How 'bout some political jokes?

[Sandmannd]

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

[setterguy]

Condoleeza Rice to President Bush: We are going to get some help in Iraq sir, they are sending in 100 Brazilian troops.

President Bush: That's great, how many is a Brazilian anyway?

[french_lake_kid]

Hahaha

[tacklejunkie]

Those two are funny. I got a great political joke: The White house, the congress, the republicans and the democrats, and all the presidential candidates for 2008.

[gopher_nation]

It's after the election and the new president is in office and a guy calls the white house and asks to speak to president clinton. the receptionist says "she's not the president." one week later he calls back and says the same thing and gets the same response, "she's not the president". another week later he calls and says the same thing, the receptionist says "sir, this is the third time you've called, you need to stop calling, Hillary Clinton did not win the election and she is not the president." he says, "I know but I just love hearing that!"

[lawdog]

Little Johnny is in class and its "career week". All the students are explaining what their parents do for a job. When its Johnny's turn he says, "My dad is an exotic dancer and if the people pay him enough, he will go in the ally behind the dancing place and have sex with them." The teacher was horrified and immediately sent all the kids to recess except Johnny. She contacted the social workers and school administration and brought Johnny in to get help. When she asked Johnny to explain again what his daddy did so that they could help him, Johnny shyly said, "well maam my daddy doesn't really do what I said in class. He's a campaign worker for Hillary Clinton but I didn't want to admit it."

[fishinchicks]

Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards were flying to a convention.

Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to the co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy."

[Orlip]

Ever seen a Hillbilly???

[zamboni]

[zamboni]

Oh- was I supposed to say something??

[zamboni]

Quote:

---

Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards were flying to a convention.

Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to the co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy."

---

NICE

[Sandmannd]

Pee Test:

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit. In order to get that paycheck.. I am required to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their (Contact Us Please). Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

[Orlip]

Could you imagine how much we would save if you got rid of the illegals??

[fishyguy]

Not judging anyones stance, but I though we were telling jokes in this thread.

[sjburnt]

.

[Sandmannd]

Now that's funny right there.

[tunrevir]

Did you hear the secret service is no longer allowing dogs into the whitehouse? They were afraid they would pee on the bushes.

Tunrevir~

[boatfixer]

Quote:

---

Ever seen a Hillbilly???

---

" I did not have sex with that....hermaphrodite"

Hilliam Jefferson-Rodham-Clinton

[tunrevir]

Jeeze, I think I saw something like that one morning when i woke up and after chewing my arm off I realized like Bill, "That's gonna leave a mark". ouch!

Tunrevir~

[Dark Cloud]

So Hillary is out on the campain trail and shes giving a speach to a Native American tribe. We'll she gets all done and the tribal chief gets up and thanks her and announces he has decided to giver her a native american name and he came up with Walking Eagle. Everyone claps and cheers and she is very pleased and gratefull for this great honor. Later that evening a little boy who oversaw this whole spactacle decides to go find the chief as he has a question. He finally get to the chief and asks him how he came up with that significant name for Hillary. The chief says camly "it was easy, shes so full of talk there is no way she could fly"...

[Sandmannd]

Hillary Clinton, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by those who have dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she asked the kids audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence."

A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet! "Well, stop clappin, ya stupid (&*(!"

________________________________________________________________

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool, he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment, then replied, "A martini, please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered, "Oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc. The man was most impressed. He left the bar, but thought he would try a different tactic.

He returned and took a seat. Again, the robot clicked and asked what he would have. “A martini, please." Again it was superb. The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?" This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100". So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, bass fishing and what to expect the Steelers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a Stool… Again a martini, and the question "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out "Uh . . . 'bout 50." The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked, "A-r-e y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e r-e-a-l-l-y g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y ?