Cooking Failures

[leechlake]

We may as well admit it, sometimes things don't work out.  I'm happy to say it's not very often for me although my wife...last night she called me in from the garage to ask if the potatoes that were boiling were done yet???

I call this one the curse of South Dakota.  Deer hunting the guys demand splitting up the cooking.  I had been doing it for a few years and it's some rural SD thing but my buddy  pulled me aside and told me it offended people that I did the cooking.  Ok then.  My buddies dad planned on ribs.  Just a guess but Larry hasn't read this forum or anything about making ribs.   We came in from hunting around 530pm and I think Larry changed his clothes, poured a beverage, started the grill, put the ribs on after it heated up and we were eating at about 7pm.  Surrounded by a bunch of rib rookies I looked around as they dug in.  Complete silence.  Kind of like when something is so good everyone just eats without talking...except that wasn't the case.  Nobody could talk because once they pryed a chunk of meat of the bone the meat was unable to be chewed without fear of choking.   Finally our farmer host nailed it in the most polite way possible, "Larry these are a little tough but they've got a ton of flavor."    That line is etched in the memory of all of us, it was so bad we didn't give him grief til the next year.

The next night it was my turn.  I got crud the year before for making a real Thanksgiving dinner because of all the dirty dishes.  So this year I made the turkey at home and put a huge pan of Shephards pie together with turkey, mashed spuds, stuffing and gravy.  Froze it a day or two before we left.  I had it partly thawed and put it in the oven and when we came in from hunting it was looking good.  After a few we dug in around 7pm.  The thing had about an inch of perfection and five inches of complete lock down frozen items below it.  I had to cut pieces for everyone and microwave each one getting grief the whole time.  It was terrible.  They didn't wait a year to give me grief like Larry.

Anyone else every screw up.?

[RebelSS]

Years ago, when I started making the home-made soups, I was making beef-barley soup. Box of uncooked barley said to add 1/4 cup to the amount of soup I had. I like barley, so I added a full cup. Ten minutes later, lid is lifting off soup pot with mounds of rising barley. Spent about a half hour ladling barley out and draining  soup out of it back into pot via a colander.  

Edited December 2, 2015 by RebelSS

[ThunderLund78]

I could not resist!

 

[reinhard1]

One meal I did screw up badly was years ago and I have never forgot it.  Got my first nice check as a meat cutter and to celebrate I bought this large 2 inch thick sirloin [ this was was a bone in, something you hardly see anymore].  Got the grill going and waited for the charcoal to get white and ready.  Now working in the cold all day and coming home in the summer can hit you hard on a hot day, which it was.  Plus indulging in adult beverages does't help any as well [but I was in the mood to celebrate and I could not stand by a grill without a good beer in my hand.   By the time the charcoal was ready I downed close to a six pack [I think].  Seasoned up that steak [about 3 pounds], and set that sucker on the grill to sear it on both sides.   Moved the charcoal around the Weber in a circle and Set the seared steak in the center.  Grabbed a beer and went in the house and sat down a bit and fell asleep.  Yes, that's right, woke up and went outside and saw a lot of smoke coming from the Weber.  Opened up the Weber and saw that the steak looked just like the charcoal.   Haven't done that since.  good luck.

[ThunderLund78]

In college, my roommates and I were probably all responsible -at least once- for either leaving a pot of mac/cheese on the stove or a pizza in the oven after coming home from the bar and passing-out.  Thank God our smoke alarms worked.  Usually we'd take the batteries out of those if one of our TV remote batteries died.

[bobberineyes]

Reinhard, my old room mate many moons ago did the same thing, other than the next morning I shut the gas grill off. Besides the normal over/ under cooking now and then the only thing that comes to mind was back when my daughter played hockey and had a game in Edina  (cake eaterville ) sorry leech lake couldn't resist, well anyhow we were pressed for time so I chucked in a frozen za. She said a sandwich will do, I told her it won't take long, well I went to take it out of the oven and sure enough,  I left the dang cardboard underneath it shi!...I ate at the concessions that night..

[leechlake]

bobber- my son plays hockey in Wayzata (cake eater ville 2 btw) and I coached his first ten years.  Took me until about 2 years ago to hate Edina and it was based on a handful of jacka$$ kids on a Jr Gold team they had.  I blame their parents.   Bunch of my friends till live there, I live in Medina close enough at least the spelling.

Big tilt tonight my son team plays "hated" Burnsville.  915pm Wayzata Central Middle School.  See ya there!!!

I've got more cooking mistakes, frankly some of them turned into new inventions.  

[nofishfisherman]

Nothing really sticks out for me personally but a friend of mine has one he won't live down.  

One of my college roommates decided he wanted to hard boil an egg.  He was a health nut and it was his idea of a nice snack.  He didn't want to wait for water to boil so he thought he'd use the microwave.  He put an egg in a glass of water and put it into the microwave to "Boil".  

Now if you understand the science involved in hardboiling an egg you know that the air inside the egg slowly releases through the egg shell giving you the little bubbles you see when doing it the normal way.  When you try to do the process in the microwave that air in the egg can't release fast enough and what you get is a tiny bomb.  

After cooking for a minute or two in the microwave that tiny egg bomb finally blew.  You wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal, maybe a small mess but nothing more.  Well you'd be wrong, the egg blew and shattered the glass it was in and blew the latch and one hinge off the microwave door. There was a lot of carnage from one tiny egg.  Broken glass and hot water everywhere, the microwave door hanging by a hope and a prayer, and tiny bits of eggs all over the kitchen.

The kicker is that the guy who did this was a 4.0 student all through high school, college.  Scored in the top 99% in ACT and SAT scores.  Was valedictorian in both High School and College, and is now a successful doctor.  You'd figure a guy like that would have been smart enough to see this one coming.   

[DonBo]

that tiny egg bomb finally blew.  You wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal, maybe a small mess but nothing more.  Well you'd be wrong, the egg blew and shattered the glass it was in and blew the latch and one hinge off the microwave door. There was a lot of carnage from one tiny egg.   

   OMG, that's hilarious.

 

Edited December 2, 2015 by DonBo

[RebelSS]

The kicker is that the guy who did this was a 4.0 student all through high school, college.  Scored in the top 99% in ACT and SAT scores.  Was valedictorian in both High School and College, and is now a successful doctor.  You'd figure a guy like that would have been smart enough to see this one coming.   

bobberineyes and ThunderLund78 like this  Like this

•  
• Quote

 

That's the prob right there......no common sense. That's danged funny, I don't care who ya are.  

[Boar]

For some reason, I cant boil spagetti right. either not enough water or to long a boil time, cant ever find a even keel. so i gave up on spagettii.

[RebelSS]

For some reason, I cant boil spagetti right. either not enough water or to long a boil time, cant ever find a even keel. so i gave up on spagettii.

I did too, Boar. Kept falling thru grates onto the charcoal. 

[Coffee118]

After I had started dinner one Sunday  I was informed that there was going to be more guests than what I had planned for so in a hurry I through in 6 extra baking potatoes in the oven without poking them first. After about an hour I hear a thump thump, I thought it was car doors closing in the driveway I checked and no one there so I sit back down & watch tv. About a minute later I hear thump thump thump again looked out the window and no one there so I go into the kitchen to get a drink and hear thump again but this time I knew what it was & where it was coming from. I opened the oven & the six potatoes exploded & coated every inch inside the oven. Of course everyone shows up at the house when I have everything out of the oven & cleaning up the mess. 

[leechlake]

For some reason, I cant boil spagetti right. either not enough water or to long a boil time, cant ever find a even keel. so i gave up on spagettii.

 

I did too, Boar. Kept falling thru grates onto the charcoal. 

Boar- I'm laughing so hard I almost cried and then I read Rebs response and it got worse.  For God's sake you can't make noodles?  I don't even know what to say, except I appreciate your honesty.  Just last weekend you ground all the meat up and made fresh and smoked polish sausage for the first time which is pretty impressive and now you admit you can't make noodles?

To make you feel better, and this one hurts., I will admit this.  In my mid to late twenties I couldn't fry fish worth a darn.   I grew up eating fish and my dad always made them.  When I went fishing with buddies any guy at fish camp could make great fish even three sheets to the wind.  I'd come home and it was pathetic.  I'd make them for my wife and it was a disaster.

Problem was I didn't use enough oil and it wasn't hot enough when I did use enough oil.  I am now an expert so there is hope for us all with our "problem" meals.  (thank God I'm only posting this to you guys, if this ever ended up on the internet I could really lose my man card)

 

[RebelSS]

Well, ol' Boar just don't make it anymore cuz it took him hours to eat a plate....spin the fork, there, got it, *PLOP*WHOOPS*...spin the fork, got it...*PLOP*WHOOPS*.....he always ended up eating it the same way...

[delcecchi]

looks good to me.

[Boar]

LOL!  Ive always been like that, hard things I excell at and easy things are difficult. wiered i know. then theres reb who takesthings to a whole nuther level by buttering the bread first before putting it in the toaster.

[RebelSS]

LOL!  Ive always been like that, hard things I excell at and easy things are difficult. wiered i know. then theres reb who takesthings to a whole nuther level by buttering the bread first before putting it in the toaster.

WHAT??! Yer not supposed to do that?!  And what's this about "when the bread pops up"....I thought ya laid it on it's side so it would pop out ON the plate.....?   I'm learning so much here!

[leechlake]

WHAT??! Yer not supposed to do that?!  And what's this about "when the bread pops up"....I thought ya laid it on it's side so it would pop out ON the plate.....?   I'm learning so much here!

ya got me thinking that a toaster should have the slots on the side.  Maybe a crumb issue but with three dogs I never have a crumb issue on the floor.  This is a million dollar idea.

[RebelSS]

I always wondered why the toast had to pop up in the air. Should shoot out onto the plate. Hey, it comes out like that from Toaster Ovens, right? I imagine someone will soon be on here explaining it's because something about heat rising to toast evenly blah blah blah...

 

 

UPDATE:  We been scooped, leech!!!!   Toast moves thru and comes out the side....$#@!

 

https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-west-bend-78224-quik-serve-toaster-1

Edited December 3, 2015 by RebelSS

[KEN W]

Years ago, when I started making the home-made soups, I was making beef-barley soup. Box of uncooked barley said to add 1/4 cup to the amount of soup I had. I like barley, so I added a full cup. Ten minutes later, lid is lifting off soup pot with mounds of rising barley. Spent about a half hour ladling barley out and draining  soup out of it back into pot via a colander.  

I've done that also. With barley, rice, and noodles. Especially wild rice soup, since you have to cook it before putting it in. You just don't call it soup. It's now hotdish.

Edited December 3, 2015 by KEN W

[leechlake]

I've invented a ton of things that were already on the market.  I was golfing a few years ago and my buddy kept looking at his watch before he hit shots.  I wise cracked, "what does Susan need you home soon?"  I then stated that they should have a GPS watch for yardages.  He showed me his GPS watch that gave yardages.   "Neman"!

[RebelSS]

I've done that also. With barley, rice, and noodles. You just don't call it soup. It's now hotdish.

HAHAHA! 

[Boar]

The toaster to pop up right was invented for trap shooters in the off season..

[delcecchi]

My biggest fail, that I remember, is when I was making a pumpkin cheesecake for thanksgiving dinner.   It gets baked in a water bath.  I wrapped foil around the spring form pan to keep it from leaking.  Only there must have been a small rip or something in the foil because when I took the pan out of the oven, the foil was full of water and the cheese cake was totally waterlogged.