Cooking Failures

[RebelSS]

New drink...Cheese cake nog?   I don't normally bake, except for quick bread and muffins, but I had to make something quick  and plentiful to take to our Neighborhood Watch meeting this Summer. My friend suggested picking up some boxes of brownie mix, she said "nothing to it". Ok, made three big pans, one at a time, so as not to "fudge up" (pun intended) the works. I know my oven runs a hair hot, so I cut a couple minutes off the time. Let all 3 cool on a rack, went to cut into squares with a knife, *BOINK*  Hard as a board. One pan was OK...except the edges were a rock 1" in, all the way around. I have no idea what happened. Last time I make brownies.

[Lip_Ripper Guy]

I'm usually pretty good with cooking...never had a true failure with the food itself.  But...

About a month ago in preparation for searing some delicious tenderloins, I got a cast iron pan good and hot on the kitchen stove.  As I've done hundreds of times, I then added a tablespoon or two of vegetable oil to the pan.  POOF!  It went up in flames as if it were gasoline!  

Learned a few things that night.  1) Flour does indeed put out a grease fire. 2) It smokes like tires on a bonfire. 3) Smoke detector batteries should be checked more often.    

[Boar]

wen me and my brother we were going thru our experimental stage in life. ended up making chocolate waffles at3 oclock in the morning. they were awsome! the batter got two thin, didnt have any flour but we had choco wheats and jello pudding mix. soooooooooo, ther ya have it. they were awsome at that moment. not sure howd they be now.

[reinhard1]

We were fishing in Canada years ago and my dad decided to make split pea soup.  We were camping On White Otter Lake in tents on a large Island.   He decided to stay in camp and have the meal ready by noon or so while we were out fishing.  It was a cool day in June there and we didn't have to go far to catch plenty of walleye's.  We could see my dad in the distance walking back and forth at times.  He looked like a bear in that snowmobile suit [all black].  Well it got near noon and we headed back, hungry.

 

When we got there we wondered where my dad was.  Seen that the tent was a little different than the way we put it up.  One rope was slack and two support pegs were uprooted and the screen door was open.  Checked it out and my dad was face down on some sleeping bags.  Turned out he polished off a half bottle of vodka mixed with pop.  We woke him up slowly [we had a few brews ourself].  He got up and said the soup was done early and that he turned the Colman stove off.

 

So I went over to the pot.  It was still hot enough to serve but it looked a little thick at first look.  Ya it was thick alright.  So thick that you could drop a knife in it and it would stick straight up and not go further that a couple of inches.  Kind of like a stick of butter fresh out of the fridge.  Needless to say it was ruined.  He blamed it on his sister who gave him the recipe LOL.  Ya, I had her pea soup before and it was very good.  Well we had a great shorelunch with fried potatoes and walleyes instead.  I took a picture of that pot of soup with a butter knife sticking in it and had it framed and gave it to him for Christmas.  Great memories.   good luck.

[RebelSS]

We were fishing in Canada years ago and my dad decided to make split pea soup.  We were camping On White Otter Lake in tents on a large Island.   He decided to stay in camp and have the meal ready by noon or so while we were out fishing.  It was a cool day in June there and we didn't have to go far to catch plenty of walleye's.  We could see my dad in the distance walking back and forth at times.  He looked like a bear in that snowmobile suit [all black].  Well it got near noon and we headed back, hungry.

 

When we got there we wondered where my dad was.  Seen that the tent was a little different than the way we put it up.  One rope was slack and two support pegs were uprooted and the screen door was open.  Checked it out and my dad was face down on some sleeping bags.  Turned out he polished off a half bottle of vodka mixed with pop.  We woke him up slowly [we had a few brews ourself].  He got up and said the soup was done early and that he turned the Colman stove off.

 

So I went over to the pot.  It was still hot enough to serve but it looked a little thick at first look.  Ya it was thick alright.  So thick that you could drop a knife in it and it would stick straight up and not go further that a couple of inches.  Kind of like a stick of butter fresh out of the fridge.  Needless to say it was ruined.  He blamed it on his sister who gave him the recipe LOL.  Ya, I had her pea soup before and it was very good.  Well we had a great shorelunch with fried potatoes and walleyes instead.  I took a picture of that pot of soup with a butter knife sticking in it and had it framed and gave it to him for Christmas.  Great memories.   good luck.

HAHAHAHA!!! What a Christmas present!!! 

[smurfy]

Been thinking about this since this thread was started. Other then a burnt frozen pizza after maybe to much fun fluids I can't think of anything I ruined cooking. I did have issues with salsa I made and the jars not sealing that really teed me off.

[Bobby Bass]

I too have been following this thread with interest, I really don't have a bad cooking experience on par with everyone else but I do remember when I was young and working at a gas station and we had a hankering for some popcorn. Back in the day we sold Jiffy Pop, you remember it, "It was as much fun to make as it is to eat" Well we did not have a stove but we did have a small propane torch that we used to melt ice off the gas pump filters ( another story ) I put the torch to the bottom of the pan but I guess I didn't shake the aluminum pan fast enough or I held it to close to the open torch flame. In a matter of seconds I had burned a hole through the bottom of the pan and popcorn was falling to the floor behind the register exploding and going everywhere. A few customers came in and were amused by the fire show and I think were waiting to see if we would set the sprinkler off. The popcorn was not fit to eat and we spent the rest of the shift cleaning up kernels.

Edited December 3, 2015 by Bobby Bass

[reinhard1]

LOL, Bobby, they still sell Jiffy Pop. We had fun with it camping many times.  good luck.

[delcecchi]

wen me and my brother we were going thru our experimental stage in life. ended up making chocolate waffles at3 oclock in the morning. they were awsome! the batter got two thin, didnt have any flour but we had choco wheats and jello pudding mix. soooooooooo, ther ya have it. they were awsome at that moment. not sure howd they be now.

Oh Wow, man.

[Boar]

Been thinking about this since this thread was started. Other then a burnt frozen pizza after maybe to much fun fluids I can't think of anything I ruined cooking. I did have issues with salsa I made and the jars not sealing that really teed me off.

Smuf, you could ruin cereal..

Oh Wow, man.

Yeah.... pretty much..

[smurfy]

I don't do cereal ya putz!!!!!!!!!

[leechlake]

LOL, Bobby, they still sell Jiffy Pop. We had fun with it camping many times.  good luck.

Jiffy Pop-  true story.  When I was a kid my two best friends that lived across streets dad played for the Vikings.  He was a purple people eater.  Twice they went to the Super Bowl in his days with Vikes. 

The big event for the Super Bowl is that I'd go to their house and we'd make Jiffy Pop and later have S'mores.  The family didn't even go to the game...that's how the Super Bowl used to be.  BTW-Jiffy Pop is fun to make but terrible to eat.

Edited December 4, 2015 by leechlake

[RebelSS]

Another Jiffy Pop story. Right after high school, I was a weekend bartender at a bar in a bowling alley.."The Tap Room". We served Jiffy Pop that we would put on this little hot plate that sat right at the end of the bar. Anyway, I put one on for a guy...then the league rush hit. A guy hollered at me "Son, ya better get that popcorn offa there!" Turned back  to look, and at that exact moment, *KAPOW*... she blew. Popcorn rained down all over everyone and everything. Guys laughed their azz's off, but the boss didn't....I told him maybe he should get a popcorn machine like everyone else had. He said it would be far cheaper to get a new bartender.   

Edited December 4, 2015 by RebelSS

[Boar]

i had jiffy pop once.

Edited December 4, 2015 by Boar

[smurfy]

i have a jiffy auger!!!!!!!!

i had jiffy pop once.

so let me get this straight?????? you just start a new job, and your already stealing time posting.....................oh wait... I gotta go!!!!!

[Boar]

i have a jiffy auger!!!!!!!!

so let me get this straight?????? you just start a new job, and your already stealing time posting.....................oh wait... I gotta go!!!!!

let me set u straight, office a$$,  i get breaks, 30 MN at 10, 60 at 12 and 30 at 2. yur always on break, 

[leechlake]

let me set u straight, office a$$,  i get breaks, 30 MN at 10, 60 at 12 and 30 at 2. yur always on break, 

sounds like you've got two hours each day to learn how to make spaghetti.  Let me start you off but wait a minute I've got to go grab my cookbook.....................

Okay I'm back:

Take a pot and put water in about 2/3 full, turn the knob on the stove to high, put pot of water on stove.  Let water come to rolling boil and then add the noodles.  You can add a smidge of veg oil if you want but if you turn to about medium you keep the water bubbling a bit so it keeps the noodles i n motion and they won't stick together.  Read on the box but usually 11-13 minutes and they are done.   

OR...since you're better at complicated things make the noodles from scratch and you only have to cook for a few minutes. Bingo!!!  

Break time is over, let's get back to work...  

 

Edited December 4, 2015 by leechlake

[RebelSS]

Approved for Boar usage. 

 

 

[bobberineyes]

Gee wiz boar, 2 hrs worth of breaks, can't be a union gig. You guys hiring?

[leechlake]

I'm chuckling.  For some reason I took a little trip over to Silly Town the other day and got my hackles up.  You see over there the reason for the shooting in CA was that someone "teased" the guy about his beard at work.  Meanwhile over here in Sane Ville we're all teasing  Boar and anyone else who screws up or admits a fault.  Heck, eyeguy even complained we weren't teasing him (but he did ask about buying a .380 hmmmm).

I'm posting everything on this forum for now on.  I think with the group of guys we can solve anyone's problems or questions...even making noodles.

 

Edited December 4, 2015 by leechlake

[JP Z]

leech.......does Boar have a beard though?     I'm sorry man I agree completely with you....some things.....otherwise I don't.....

[smurfy]

Gee wiz boar, 2 hrs worth of breaks, can't be a union gig. You guys hiring?

ya beat me 2 it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

leech.......does Boar have a beard though?     I'm sorry man I agree completely with you....some things.....otherwise I don't.....

if you count that cop killer lookin stash...yea he has a beard!!!!!!!!

[BobT]

My worst fail. I decided to prepare some pork chops for myself and my two daughters and because it was pretty cold outside I decided to use an indoor grill (George Foreman). To season the chops I decided to use a meat rub that I had in an unmarked shaker in the cupboard. When I make a meat rub I use very little salt because I don't want to dehydrate the meat and I don't need all the extra salt plus it allows me to season more heavily for added flavor. Anyway, I seasoned them generously and then place them on the grill. 

As they were cooking I noticed a real strong odor in the kitchen that actually made breathing a little tough but I didn't know why this was happening. When they were done and we took our first bite I figured out what it was. 

You see, I also had an unmarked shaker in the cupboard filled with finely ground red pepper!! The meat was so hot we had to scrape off the seasoning before we could even begin to eat.   

[leechlake]

back over 40 years ago in the Winter we'd go to the cabin with my dad and his buddy Don a few times every year.   They'd be working on some project during the day and us kids would goof around outside.

At night I think they'd get into the sauce and eventually us kids would clammer for them to make shakes.  The blender up there was a little weak power wise and Don would end up having to jamb the spoon in to keep the thing moving.  The first few years we'd end up with some stainless shrapnel in the shakes and he'd say to suck it through our teeth.  Eventually as the years went by he'd use a wooden spoon so we only had to deal with splinters in our tongues.

Why we continued to ask for them I have no idea.

[Boar]

ok i might have a job with 2 hrs of breaks, but you guys have jobs wher u can surf the forum all hrs of the day, wat up wit dat?? imean i get slamed and its so far back in the thread it dosent pay to payback the guy and if i do no one knows what im talkig about. its a conspiracy i tell u!!!