Wish me luck....

[Neighbor_guy]

I have my (hopefully) last mediation meeting to try to determine custody of my little girl monday. This has been better than a year and a half issue and I am trying to keep it from taking another 9 months. I realize that as her father I am already a half a step behind, but I really hope we can settle on an agreement we are both a little unhappy about as upposed to subjecting a 4 year old to a custody study.

Without going too indepth with who did what, I have been the primary care giver/parent since before we separated and now "supper mom" wants that to change. I just hope I can convince the mediator and everyone else that matters that I can continue to have the best interests of my child in mind.

I dont know, I'm just rambling... Please keep me in your thoughts tomarrow, I need all the suport, spoken or not, that I can get.

Anyone else going threw this, I feel your pain. I wouldn't wish this on any parent.

[Sandmannd]

Those are never any fun and no one ever wins. I'm wishing the best for you. I couldn't imagine not seeing my little girl every day. I hope you can reach an agreement where you both get to spend time with her. Good luck tomorrow.

[Peachy]

I'm going thru the exactly same thing here! But only I'm the mom....:-) My mediation coming up in 9 days and counting.... and I'm trying to get him to agree to allow me to move the kids out of state into the same state that HE lives and where my family lives in. Right now he wants me to give up the custody of my boys and allow him to be the primary caregiver.....Ohhh I could just go on and on but its not worth it. but Bottom line is good luck to you!!! Hope it all works out!

Hang in there!!!!!!!

[fishorgolf]

As someone who has been through this I could go on and on but if I have one piece of advise it would be to not make this as I get my daughter or I don't situation. She is and always will be your little girl. The most important thing you can do no matter how things go tomorrow is to keep a respectful relationship with your daughters mother because this is going to be so important going forward. The love that a father and daughter share is not easily broken. Whatever happens just make sure to be there for her.

[Wanderer]

Wishing you luck! And I hope any mediator worth their salt can see through the smoke and mirrors and make the better decision.

You are an exceptional father and your girl is already blessed by that.

[Lisa Almquist]

Good luck neighbor guy. You have my thoughts and prayers with you today.

[dan z]

good luck neighbor guy, sometimes we (guys) get lucky and end up with some things that usually go the other way. when it does happen to go our way makes supper mom not so atrong.

[FishNovice101]

Neighbor Guy,

I went through this over 13 years ago. My ex got physical custody, and it was very emotional for everyone. Stick to the facts with the judge regarding everything you have done for your daughter. Try not to slam the mother - might just anger the judge.

Good luck today - remember whatever happens doesn't change the way you feel about your daughter, and the bond you will always have.

[Iambjm]

Separation, divorce are never easy, and it is even worse when there are children involved. I wish you all the luck in your endeavor to resolve this matter, and I hope the judge or mediator has the foresight to see what is best for the child. My prayers are with you.

[Neighbor_guy]

Well....

I had hoped this would have been my last mediation trip, I was wrong . Some good progress was made and it is looking like things will go mostly the way I would like for them to go. It is looking more and more likeyly that I will be the "residenial" parent. I did a good job of holding back and only called her out on a few things. It is realy comming down to a "rural vs. metro" (myself being rural) thing as far as schooling and what not are concerned. I will have to sign a statment saying I will not move to Ely untill after college . But I will get over that.

I did slip up a little when we were talking after wards and she mentioned about needing me to watch my girl on a day when she was supposed to so she could go partying and I explained that at some point in time she needed to step up and be a mom. She is pushing so hard to get parenting time, but is constantly giving up the time she already gets, it is just frustrating. My daughter looks forward to spending time with her mom only to be left with a sitter or with me(which I dont mind).

As I said before, I hate this, for everyone involved. Thanks for you thoughts everyone.

[Lisa Almquist]

How frustrating! Well at least you took some steps forward!

[Peachy]

At least some progress was made! Just keep ur chin up and hang tough! :-)

If u dont mind me asking, how old is ur daughter?

[Rippinlip]

My thoughts are with you, I went through this a long time ago and the other was the party type, and she did the baby sitting thing when she had the kids, speaking long term just do your best like I am sure you will. My kids seen through it after a few years and my daughters now that they are grown respect everything I gave and showed them, I hope it goes your way, but if it doesn't don't give up, because you are always going to be her Daddy and that bond is greater than we could ever think.

[Neighbor_guy]

If u dont mind me asking, how old is ur daughter?

She is a strong 4 and a half. Still young enough to be a little kid. But unfortunatly placed in the middle of a very adult situation. Mom and Dad living 40+ miles apart has to be hard on her, but she doesn't show it. It is very hard when she starts a story with "do you remember when you and me and mommy all lived together..."

Her pic is on the "last week in ely" thread in the BWCA/ELY forum, catching her first unasisted fish.

[Mike89]

my best you. Been there done and lost. But life is still good. 18 years later it got better. A very long time for me.

[mnfishingal]

I admire the love and commitment you have for your daughter.

I agree with fishorgolf that one of the most important things you can do is try to have an amicable relationship with your ex as much as possible. Kids see,hear and sense more than we are aware of and from my experience working with people over the years, one of most harmful things for a kid to expereince is having one of their parents talk disrespectfully about the other or treating the other parent with disrespect. It is hard not to let emotions get in the way but important to remember that when we talk badly about the other parent to the child, it doesn't hurt that parent, it only hurts the child (because they love that person). The opposite is also true. Kids tend to have more respect for a parent (and can learn alot from them) when the parent conducts themsef with integrity even in the face of difficult or down-right unfair circumstances.

Hang in there. Good guys don't always finish last

[BobT]

Quote:

It is realy comming down to a "rural vs. metro" (myself being rural) thing as far as schooling and what not are concerned. I will have to sign a statment saying I will not move to Ely untill after college . But I will get over that.

I'm confused. What does the education system or locale where you live have to do with a custody battle? If this was an issue then what would that say about every other parent that has their child enrolled in those same "rural" school districts?

I can understand about taking a child aross state lines but deciding where the custodial parent can live?????

Bob

[DeeDee]

When my brother went thru this neither partent was allowed to leave the state with out the others approval but they could live anywhere in the state.

[Peachy]

Awww cute pix of her! bet she was so proud of herself!

Yes, I deal with that with my boys when they talk about the past. *sigh* All I can do is just say Yeah I remember that.....and try not to talk about it that much. Its hard to remain positive about the ex especially when the ex is doing idiotic things.....

Hope it all works out for ya! Mine is coming up on July 30th

[Grant Pearson]

best of luck to you. I couldn't imagine not seeing my kid on a daily basis. he goes to the grandparents at least every other weekend, but I couldn't imagine not being able to see him when I want. best of luck and my thoughts are with you.

[Neighbor_guy]

Here we go again... Another restless night... I guess I will let you guys know how it goes tomarrow......

[Lisa Almquist]

Ah neighbor guy, I have you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck!

[Peachy]

good luck, Neighbor Guy.

We are in exactly same boat so I know how it feels! Hang in there!

[Sandmannd]

Good luck NG. Hope it goes well for you.

[Neighbor_guy]

Well.... Like I have said before and will continue to say, there are no winners in a situation like this. Today's meeting started out on a negative note and two hours later it ended.

At the end of the last meeting I thought we had a workable agreement with just a few things to iron out. What I did not realize was the "math" involved. Unbenonced to me, our current agreement worked out to be 60/40 parenting time. (60% to me) Well that was were our potential "legal" ageement also worked out to be. Today we sat down exchanged pleasentries, and she said she would accept no less than 47% parenting time. I said no, explained why, a lot to do with the way she played her last parenting weekend. (see previos post) Next thing I know there is a lot of blubbering and crying and an hour of what the H happened here. Turns out her lawyer figured out that if she had at least 46.5% parenting time her child support would be next to nothing.

By the way, who ever decided to coin the term "parenting time" and figure it by the percent needs to be beaten unrecognizable with a dead eal pout. This is a child we are talking about.

Long story longer, she is goiing to come out of this smelling like a rose. getting everything she wanted. Just more than 45% parenting time. I managed to keep my daughter out of a down town Minneapolis school and will be listed as custodial parent. But everyday she is not in school she will be with her mom. As upposed to a normal everyother weekend situation, she will be with her mom 2 of 3. Then to make things even more complicated roles will reverse when school is out. I hate the arangement, but I dont have the $10-15,000 it would take to fight it. A "parentiing agreement" is the only option.

To say I have the blues is an understatement . I realize that things have to get worse before they get better. But I have to be getting close to the bottom right? Almost divorced, fighting over who is the "better parent" to raise a child, just lost my house (another long story), painting industry is in the tank, I guess when it rains it poors.

Hopefully the new job will turn out to be a long term deal. And I have some good freinds and family to hold me up . Thanks for lending me an ear everybody. Sorry for the long depressing post. I will try to find something possitive to add......