Anybody know any clean jokes?

[BigWadeS]

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN,

WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN

P RESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG

WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE

EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT

DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE

SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING

FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........

"WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

[BigWadeS]

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

[Double D]

Here's one because it's Ash Wednesday:

Ole, Sven and Lars go ice fishing a little too early and all fall through the ice and drown.

They make their way up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter says "Welcome boys. The only thing you have to do to get in to heaven today is tell me about Easter."

Sven says "I'll go first. Let me think, Easter, Easter, Easter. Oh Yeah! I remember, it's right after the deer hunting season, we get the whole family in after corn picking, we have a big Easter turkey and watch football".

St. Peter says "Good grief, that was Thanksgiving Sven, please wait over there".

Lars is next. "Easter, Easter, Easter. Let me think now; Oh Yeah. That's in the winter right after we get all the wood cut. We get our big Easter Tree and open all our Easter presents on Easter morning."

St. Peter goes "For crying out loud Lars that's Christmas. Wait over there."

Now it's Oles turn. St Peter says, "I don't have much hope here, but give it a try. Tell me about Easter."

Ole starts "Well its in the spring, usually right before we plant our corn. It starts 40 days before; the Catholics get the ashes on their heads and walk around all sad and sober for 6 weeks. The Lutherans and Methodists they go to church a bunch of extra times before hand".

St Peter says "Youre on the right track, keep going!"

Ole continues, "It's about when they took poor Jesus and falsely accused him. They crucified him for the sake of all our sins".

St Peter said "Yes Ole youre almost there, keep going!!"

"They put him on the cross and he died. Then they buried him in a tomb, and on the third day, he rose from the dead and came out!"

St. Peter jumps for joy and says "YES!!! Ole you got it!!!"

Ole continues "and if he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter!".

DD

[tunrevir]

DoubleD, that was awsome! I had to show my wife that one and even printed it off!

Tunrevir~

[Valv]

The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania , and he bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Indiana . He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Texas . He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

[CALVINIST]

When is it time to go to the dentist?

tooth-hurtee

[Daze Off]

On a tour of Minnesota, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit Lake Superior on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope-mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the shore. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene, the Pope noticed in the water a hapless man wearing a Green Bay football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 12 foot sturgeon.

At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Viking football jerseys roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the sturgeons' ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Wisconsin man from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the fish to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the boat along with the dead sturgeon and then prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was the Pope and he summoned them to the beach.

After they reached shore, the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some bitter hatred between the people of Wisconsin and Minnesota, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which other states could follow." He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?"

"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom. "Well," the harpooner replied, "he knows nothing about Sturgeon fishing. "Is the bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"

[Daze Off]

A man walking along the beach in California was deep in prayer. Suddenly he felt inspired to ask the Lord to grant him one wish and in a loud voice cried out, “Lord, I have been faithful all of my life and I ask you to grant me one wish!”

The sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord replied, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you the wish you ask of me.”

The man said, “My wish is that you build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I can drive over there anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your wish is very materialistic. Think of the logistics and costs of that kind of undertaking. Think of the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it but it is hard for me to justify such an expense when so many of my people are starving. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish that you think would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when something is wrong and they say ‘nothing,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

After a long pause, the Lord said, “Do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge.”

[Daze Off]

John, an avid golfer, came in from the course one Saturday. His wife, Mary asked him with whom he had played that day. He said,"oh, no one in particular."

She asked," Why don't you play with Bill anymore?"

John replied," Would you like to play golf with someone who throws his clubs, swears all the time, lies about his scores, moves his ball in the rough, and won't stop talking while you'r trying to play a shot?"

"Of course not!" said Mary.

John said, "Well, neither does Bill."

[Daze Off]

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day and he walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Top o' the day to ye. This is Sgt. Flaherty. How might I help ye?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?

Sgt. Flaherty, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.

[Daze Off]

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

[Daze Off]

Food For Thought:

1) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation....?

2) If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would the new company be called Fed Up?

3) Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

4) What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of bald men?

5) Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

6) If it is true that we are put on earth to help others, what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

7) If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

8) Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

9) If a person with multiple personalities considers suicide, is it a hostage situation?

10) If you are sending styrofoam, what do you pack it in>

11) Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

12) Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

13) Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

14) Why is abbreviated such a long word?

15) Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

[Scott K]

How can you tell if a blond has been working on your comuter?? If there is white out on the screen!!

[The Grebe]

Whats the best thing about dating a homeless person?....When the date is over, you can drop them off anywhere!

[Scott K]

There were 3 guys re-shingling a barn roof, for an old farmer. We will just say 1 from wisconsin, 1 from Iowa, 1 from MN. They started in the morning, figured it would be a long day of shingling. About mid-day they were running shy on shingles so the MN climbed down the ladder and grabbed a few more bundles of shingles, as he got to the top the ladder fell to the ground!

The guys from Wisconsin and Iowa really yelled at him, they said how stupid are you? Now how are we to get down? Well the MN said we can yell to the old farmer to come and he can put the ladder back up. Well they yelled and yelled, but the old farmer never came. So they just decided to finish shingling and hope to see the farmer outside and have him put the ladder up for them. Well they finished the roof, and still no farmer. It was getting dark, and the guy from Iowa had to get home, or his wife would be [PoorWordUsage]ed!! The 3 of them said well there are pigs down below us, we could just jump and hope the pig sh** would soften are landing. So they played rock paper scissors to find out who was to jump first, the guy from Wisconsin lost, so hes the one to jump first, he stood on the edge of the barn and jumped down.

The other 2 guys yelled down to him to see how it was, thee Wisconsin guy yelled up said its up to my neck in pig sh**.So the other 2 decided to try a differt spot to jump, it was the Iowa guys turn to jump, so he jumped on the otherside of the barn, yelled up after a few minutes said its only ankle deep over here!! So the MN guy jumps in, in the same spot as the Iowa guy and it came to his neck. He asked the Iowa guy how it only came to his ankles? He said well, I jumped in head first!

[Scott K]

There was this brunette skipping down the center of the road saying "16,16,16,16,". Not alot of traffic on the road. This blonde pulls up next to her and asks what are you doing, the brunette continues "16,16,16" as she is skipping! The blonde thinks for a minute, this looks like it could be fun!! She pulls the car off to the side of the road, jumps out and skips along side of the brunette, saying "16,16,16". All of asudden a semi comes buy and runs the blonde over! The brunette countinues to keep skipping saying "17,17,17".

[Daze Off]

An old redneck was stopped by a game warden with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let 'em swim'

round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of talk! Fish can't do that!"

The old redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The old redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

[Bobby Bass]

Little known facts about Minnesota:

MINNESOTA BECAME THE 32ND STATE ON MAY 11, 1858 AND WAS ORIGINALLY SETTLED BY A LOST TRIBE OF NORWEGIANS SEEKING REFUGE FROM THE SEARING HEAT OF WISCONSIN'S WINTERS.

THE STATE FLAG OF MINNESOTA CONSISTS OF A BLUE BACKGROUND UPON WHICH SITS A DESIGN BEST DESCRIBED AS "HOW A 7-YEAR- OLD CITY GIRL WOULD DRAW A PICTURE TITLED 'LIFE ON THE FARM'".

MINNESOTA GETS IT'S NAME FROM THE SIOUX INDIAN WORD "MAH-NEE-SOO-TAH", MEANING "NO, REALLY, THEY EAT FISH SOAKED IN LYE".

THE STATE SONG OF MINNESOTA IS "SOMEDAY THE VIKINGS WILL... AW, NEVER MIND".

THE MALL OF AMERICA IN BLOOMINGTON, MINNESOTA COVERS 9.5 MILLION SQUARE FEET AND HAS ENOUGH SPACE TO HOLD 185,000 TEENAGERS YAPPING AWAY ON CELL PHONES.

MADISON, MINNESOTA IS KNOWN AS "THE LUTEFISK CAPITAL OF THE WORLD". ..... AVOID THIS CITY AT ALL COSTS.

"THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW"WAS SET IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, AND WAS MARY'S FIRST REAL ACTING JOB SINCE LEAVING THE "Dick VAN DYKE SHOW". THE SHOW ABOUT A SINGLE WOMAN'S STRUGGLE TO FIND HAPPINESS IN THE BIG CITY, WAS ORIGINALLY TITLED "LIFE WITHOUT Dick", BUT THAT WAS CHANGED FOR SOME REASON.

THE STATE MOTTO OF MINNESOTA IS, "WHERE EVEN A MAN WHO WEARS A FEATHER BOA CAN GROW UP TO BE GOVERNOR."

DOWNTOWN MINNEAPOLIS HAS AN ENCLOSED SKYWAY SYSTEM COVERING 52 BLOCKS, ALLOWING PEOPLE TO LIVE, WORK, EAT, AND SLEEP WITHOUT EVER GOING OUTSIDE. THE ONLY DOWNSIDE TO THIS IS THAT A NORWEGIAN OCCASIONALLY TURNS UP MISSING.

CARTOONIST CHARLES M. SHULTZ WAS BORN IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, AND WAS THE ONLY ARTIST TO ACCURATELY DEPICT THE PERFECTLY CIRCULAR HEADS OF MINNESOTA NATIVES.

THE HORMEL COMPANY OF AUSTIN, MINNESOTA PRODUCES 6 MILLION CANS OF SPAM A YEAR,EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ACTUALLY EATS THAT dump.

WATER SKIS WERE INVENTED IN 1922 IN LAKE CITY, MINNESOTA BY RALPH SAMUELSON. SADLY, HE DROWNED SHORTLY AFTERWARDS, AS THE MOTORBOAT HADN'T BEEN INVENTED YET.

ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA WAS ORIGINALLY NAMED "PIG'S EYE", AFTER FRENCH CANADIAN WHISKEY TRADER PIERRE "PIG'S EYE" PARRANT. ITS "TWIN CITY", MINNEAPOLIS, WAS KNOWN AS "PIG'S COLON".

THE STAPLER WAS INVENTED IN SWINGLINE, MINNESOTA BY A CHUBBY, MUMBLING MAN NAMED MILTON IN 1899. THE CITY WAS MYSTERIOUSLY DESTROYED BY FIRE LATER THAT YEAR.

PELICAN RAPIDS IS HOME TO A 16-FOOT-TALL CONCRETE PELICAN, WHICH SUBSISTS ON A DIET OF 4-FOOT-LONG CONCRETE FISH.

IN 1973, OLIVIA, MINNESOTA ERECTED A 25-FOOT TALL FIBERGLASS CORN COB TO CELEBRATE ITS RICH, AGRICULTURAL HERITAGE. THEN IN 1974, IT WAS EATEN BY A 50-FOOT STATUE OF BABE THE BLUE OX. YES, MINNESOTA HAS A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH STATUE CANNIBALISM.

MINNESOTA LICENSE PLATES ARE BLUE & WHITE AND CONTAIN THE PHRASE "BLIZZARDS ON INDEPENDENCE DAY - YOU GET USED TO IT."

FRANK C. MARS, FOUNDER OF THE MARS CANDY CO. WAS BORN IN NEWPORT, MINNESOTA. HIS 3 MUSKETEERS CANDY BAR ORIGINALLY CONTAINED THREE BARS IN ONE WRAPPER, EACH FILLED WITH A DIFFERENT FLAVOR NOUGAT -

CHOCOLATE, SPAM, AND LUTEFISK.

THE FIRST FULLY AUTOMATIC POP-UP TOASTER WAS INVENTED IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA IN 1926. MINNESOTA'S STRINGENT BREAD - CONTROL LAWS CURRENTLY ONLY ALLOW RESIDENTS TO OWN SEMI-AUTOMATIC TOASTERS.

TONKA TRUCKS CONTINUE TO BE MANUFACTURED IN MINNETONKA, MINNESOTA, DESPITE THE THOUSANDS OF GI JOE DOLLS KILLED BY THEM ANNUALLY IN ROLLOVER ACCIDENTS. NO AIRBAGS, NO SEAT BELTS. THESE THINGS ARE

DEATHTRAPS, I TELL YA!

AUTHOR LAURA INGALLS WILDER WAS BORN IN WALNUT CREEK, MINNESOTA, AND WAS FAMOUS FOR WRITING THE "LITTLE HOUSE" SERIES OF BOOKS, AS WELL AS INVENTING THE "SPAM DIET" - WHICH CONSISTS OF LOOKING AT A PLATE OF SPAM

UNTIL YOU LOSE YOUR APPETITE. MUCH LIKE THE "LUTEFISK DIET".

THE SNOWMOBILE WAS INVENTED IN ROSEAU, MINNESOTA SO AS TO ALLOW FAMILIES A MEANS OF ATTENDING INDEPENDENCE DAY PICNICS.

MINNESOTANS ARE ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM WISCONSINITES. THE ONLY WAY TO TELL THEM APART IS TO ASK IF THEY VOTED FOR MONDALE IN '84

[CALVINIST]

Two chameleons were talking one day when one says to the other,

"You look a bit pale."

To which the other replied,

"That's because I was just sitting on one."

[Whoaru99]

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. He had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. To be on the safe side, he told his tribe

that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the Weather Service responded.

So, the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied. "It's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again ordered his people to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the Chief called the National Weather Service again.

"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

[TNFL]

Never Question a DRUNK

-----------------------

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee, and

A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

"You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "cause you're ugly."

[LoneRanger]

Not sure if this one was posted yet, but here goes!

Minnesota Blizzard (Ya Sure Ya Betcha)

Up there by Lake Woebegone it was snowing heavily and blowing to the point

that visibility was almost zero when Lena got off work. She made her way to

her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car

while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She remembered Ole's

advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow

to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.

This made Lena feel much better and sure enough in a little while, a snow

plow went by, and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow,

she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any

problem with the blizzard conditions.

After quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow

plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled

her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was

all right, as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she

was fine and told him of Ole's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a

blizzard.

The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she

wanted...but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Kmart next.

[Bobby Bass]

I walked into a Quizno's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon

for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a

little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free".

"They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess

they're both free".

She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

They walk among us, and many work retail.

===================

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when

one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"

Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

And they walk among us!

====================

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent

which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun

waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun r ise in the north?"

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for

sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that

stuff."

They walk among us!!

====================

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.

One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call

center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a

day, 7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They walk among us!

====================

My sister-in-law has a life-saving tool in her car designed to cut

through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They walk among us!

====================

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the

cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.

The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They walk among us!

====================

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I

went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my

bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was

a trained professional and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

Yes, they walk among us!

====================

While waiting for my order at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a

small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he

would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time

before responding.

"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6

pieces."

Yep, they walk among us!

[Stiff]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

[Stiff]

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."