Hear any good jokes?

[Boar]

ever wonder why there are so many andersons and smiths listed in the phone book?.........

 

they all have phones. ahhhhhh man i love that one.

[leechlake]

I can't remember jokes because I'm a visual person so the only one I remember is visual.

put someone in a half Nelson and say "what's this?"  They will say half Nelson

now put them in a full Nelson and say "what's this?"  They will say full Nelson

I can't say the rest but it's a great one... but it ends in Nelson but it's Easter so I can't say it.  Have Smurfy show you some time.

 

[Coffee118]

To go along with the thread

my wife is a black belt in cooking one chop and your dead

my wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after we eat

[RebelSS]

Talking about wives? Now, take my wife...please.      A favorite from Henny Youngman. 

 

Congrats on yer new official "Hijacker" status, LL! I don't know anyone that's more deserving! 

[roony]

Did ya hear about the farmer with a talking bull?

No, could you tell me about it.

Well ya see this farmer had a talking bull. It worked out pretty well except whenever it got near a young heifer it would just stand there and jabb er. 

[Boar]

ooooh boy. ole and sven got hired on as line man for a local electric company. first day they were instructed to plant telephone pole so the  cables could be run. at the end of the day the boss asked how many they put in. 2 sven said, the boss was flabergasted, only 2!! obviously irritated, the other crew put in 12 poles he stammerd, ole replied, Ya but did ya see how much dey left outa da  ground...

[delcecchi]

Ole and Lena got married.  After the wedding they went home.  Long about 9 o'clock Ole put on his shoes and coat.  Lena said "what you doing ole?"

Ole says my dad told me I ought to be going to town about now...

Rimshot.  

[lovebigbluegills]

9 minutes ago, Boar said:

ooooh boy. ole and sven got hired on as line man for a local electric company. first day they were instructed to plant telephone pole so the  cables could be run. at the end of the day the boss asked how many they put in. 2 sven said, the boss was flabergasted, only 2!! obviously irritated, the other crew put in 12 poles he stammerd, ole replied, Ya but did ya see how much dey left outa da  ground...

 

4 minutes ago, delcecchi said:

Ole and Lena got married.  After the wedding they went home.  Long about 9 o'clock Ole put on his shoes and coat.  Lena said "what you doing ole?"

Ole says my dad told me I ought to be going to town about now...

Rimshot.  

A couple dandy head shakers 

[delcecchi]

Q:what's orange and goes click click?

A: a ballpoint carrot.

 

Oh wow, man.

[lovebigbluegills]

I wish my granddaughter was here this weekend!!!! She's told me a bunch of good ones.

[RebelSS]

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?   A. Bunny farts.

Two nuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.    ()

[leech~~]

What's Orange and black and sleeps 6?

[RebelSS]

A state road crew truck!!!

[leech~~]

Just now, RebelSS said:

A state road crew truck!!!

Well yep. DOT truck!

[lovebigbluegills]

Hahahahaha... good one!!!!!!

[RebelSS]

My wife said I act immature.  I told her to shut up and get outta my fort.

Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that.

An ox walks into a bar. Bartender says "Off the wagon again?"

Giraffe walks into a bar and says "give me a longneck"

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. Bartender says "now don't you be starting anything"

I can't remember anymore. 

[delcecchi]

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says "why the long face?"

 

Knock knock 

Who's there?

J. Edgar Hoover

Oh wow man

[Boar]

I think reb and del are bystnders now  you guy had a bout 3 days worth of jokes in 10 minuets.

Ya know when geese fly in formation and one side of the formation is longer than the other? do you know why???

theres more geese on that that side.... budump! spsss!

[lovebigbluegills]

18 minutes ago, Boar said:

Ya know when geese fly in formation and one side of the formation is longer than the other? do you know why???

theres more geese on that that side.... budump! spsss!

That's one of my favorites during waterfowl season!!! I even got the game warden on it last fall!!!!

[OLE77]

THANK God we got off the Ole Jokes.

[lovebigbluegills]

Lol, you just stirred up the pot buddy!!! 

They'll have more for you in the morning!!!!

[eyeguy 54]

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

[delcecchi]

11 minutes ago, OLE77 said:

THANK God we got off the Ole Jokes.

Just taking a break...

[OLE77]

Big Shoulders.

[eyeguy 54]

three nuns are walking down the sidewalk.  2 walked into a bar.........  the other one ducked.