Got a funny email today

[MNice]

Around age 10, my dad got me one of those little bada$$ compound bow beginner kits.

Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow.

Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farm-all tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sum beach.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.

One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and saw a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). A light bulb went off in my head. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a controlled manner once pierced by my arrow. Let’s face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether) really doesn't "sound" all that flammable.

So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles). My intention was to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker. You know what? I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it out on the stump too. Now I’m cookin'.

I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of his truck... He just got home from work. OH SHOOT!

So help me God, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a [PoorWordUsage] look in his eyes.

I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh wow!!!

When the shock wave hit, it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just my reflex jerk from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was a low fog layer full of grasshoppers, spiders, and worms.

The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this: THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.

There was a big sweet-gum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was." That sum-beach got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback:

“ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. DA__ IT CEASE FIRE!!!"

His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard.

There is a Honda 185 3-wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down now, touching the tires.

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know - I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out again, woke up later... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR, and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again!!!" Thanks Mom.

One thing for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been complaining about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. You gotta give me credit for stepping up to the plate and taking care of business.

Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later.

I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. But only under close supervision. It will teach you parental responsibility.

[MUSKY18]

Thanks! Now people think I am drunk at work for laughing myself to death from that. GREAT STORY!!!

[TooTallTom]

You know how when you laugh so hard, you kind of seize up. You quit laughing and breathing, and your stomach muscles are clenchied tight? I just did that a couple of times.

Thanks.

[frogtosser]

thats great, very well written.

[Rippinlip]

Very cool story.

Belly laughed pretty hard!

[DonBo]

Blew coffee through my nose all over the keyboard. That's funny right there, I don't care who ya are.

[archerystud]

ROFLMAO.....

I don't care who you are that there is funny.

[Froggy4371]

I gave myself a headache from laughing so hard. I had to print that out for him. He will laugh his FAO.

Love it.

Froggy

[walleye365]

LMAO!!!! oh boy thanks for the great story that made my week.

[Dave S]

All too often I get email with stories similar to this that seem so far fetched you couldn't possibly believe them to be true. I do have to admit, Archerystud and I played hockey with a kid in our younger years who did things like this. It was his passion. He loved to blow things up.

He is disfigured for life now but he's still kicking to this day. How? I don't know. He doesn't remember much about the past.

[c_lou]

I just lol'd out loud multiple times. That has got to be one of the funniest stories I have ever read.

It's amazing most of us guys survived child hood.

[musky hunter]

I thought I had a corner on the market for mischievious deeds with arrows during my youth, but nothing compares to the outstanding standard you set. Great story.

[bigbucks]

I'm assuming it's not true, but it could be & DANG is it funny!