Minnesota by Jeff Foxworthy

[upnorth]

Ok I know this has been around for a while but it's funny anyway

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through l8
inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim
by, you might live in Minnesota.

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights
each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,
you might live in Minnesota.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
you might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you
might live in Minnesota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work
there, you might live in Minnesota.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Minnesota.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live
in Minnesota

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live
in Minnesota.

If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina and Shakopee, you
might live in Minnesota.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Minnesota.

"Vacation" means going up north past Brainerd for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to
use them.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm
at any given time.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

You consider Minneapolis exotic.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
blue spruce.

Down South to you means Iowa.

A brat is something you eat.

You go out to fish fry every Friday.

You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota
friends.

[1Yogi]

If your cologne smell like DEET you night be from Minnesota

[Lake Alice]

If you are a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU, you might be a Minnesotan.

[Paul Rohweller]

If you know that fee da is the opposite of uff da..

[fubar]

If you start a fire on the ice to stay warm, you might be from Minnesota

[MuleSkinner]

If the Hawkeyes are sore and bruised, and they just lost 42 to 0, then they know they're in Minnesota. (But they probably still won't know it's November 13)

[HOGEYE]

You think that oatmeal actually sticks to your ribs. You might be a Minnesotan

[SCUMFROG]

Uff-Da

[NotoriousBLM]

Off topic, but the Hawkeyes have owned the Gophers over the last 22 years (15-7)

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"Nothing says business in the front and party in back like a good mullet."

[sami0115]

ya .... you betcha

[MuleSkinner]

OK. It’s a joke thread. I made it up. But here in Minnesota, we believe in the future. (OK, maybe not the Super Bowl...)

So now, back to the topic:

If your girlfriend is ugly, in fact SO ugly, that the only time she EVER got whistled at, was right before the train hit her, then she might be from......oh wait, that’s Iowa......I’ll try again... ...

If your girlfriend isn’t so much ugly as she is cross-eyed, in fact SO crosseyed, that when she crys, tears run down her back, then she just might be from.......oh, shoot, did it again.......One last try.

If you go to a tailgating party, and instead of brats and steaks, you bring 100 bullheads, heads off and gutted, but with the skin on, then you just might be from.......oooohhhh, uff da, I give up. ,U Betcha.

[upnorth]

you guy slay me

[abens1078]

If you have 10,000 lakes and can still only fish with one pole, you might be from Minnesota. Muleskinner leave the uglies alone everyone needs love

[rmh2o]

If your posting in the ice fishing forum in the middle of July you might be a Minnesotan

[rmh2o]

When its 80 degrees outside and you are wishing it was -20 so you can sit on a bucket on a sheet of ice you might be a Minnesotan.

[This message has been edited by rmh2o (edited 08-12-2004).]

[sami0115]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...........

[fishbreath]

If you are from Penna. and reading an ice fishing forum in August you should be in Minnesota.

[can it be luck?]

rmh2o, how's it going? Long time no talk since Ohio. Hope all's well with you. I sent you an e-mail the other day, it was returned. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I posted an Erie pic on FM the other day. No big deal. I'm gonna stick it on the "Brag Board"
Take care, Mark

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http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

[This message has been edited by can it be luck? (edited 08-13-2004).]

[nice2th]

If you go to a mud bog to pick up chicks, you might live in Minnesota.

(My son and his friend did this last Saturday)

[friendlyfisher]

If you put more salt on your driveway than you put in the softner, you might be a minnesotan.

[Paul Rohweller]

If you have ever used a skid steer loader to stir the coals in the saturday night smart fire you might be from minnesota.
If you have ever cut xmas trees up near Fonce you might be from minnesota....

[stmichael]

If you get over a foot of snow and the schools remain open...you might live in MN.

[Harmonica Bear]

If you have ever heard of Fonce, yet alone know where it is (and actually plan on hunting around there this fall), you are definitely from Minnesota.

[Granny]

If you have ever mounted skis on a piece of living room furniture, you might be from Minnesota.

If you have ever set fire to a piece of living room furniture, mounted on skis, and rode it down a snow covered hill....you might be from Minnesota.

If you have ever ran out of a 150 degree sauna and jumped into a 32 degree lake, you might be from Minnesota

If you have ever used fireworks (M80) to get rid of ground wasps, you might be from Minnesota.

If you have ever modified a lawn mower so it would reach speeds of 40mph, you might be from Cromwell, MN

[This message has been edited by Granny (edited 08-17-2004).]

[EBass]

If you dump 3 gallons of gas down a ground wasp nest, then lit it on fire, you might be a redneck, er I mean from Minnesota.