The Man's Rules

[DonBo]

This is copied from the "Women's Forum" thought you might enjoy it.

We've all heard the "rules" from a women's perspective. Here are the "Man's" rules.

Please note, these are all numbered #1 on purpose!

#1 Men are NOT mind readers.

#1 Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complain about you leaving it down.

#1 Quit putting the toilet paper roll on backwards.

#1 Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing tides. Let it be.

#1 Crying is blackmail.

#1 Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this.

Subtle hints don't work!

Strong hints don't work.

Obvious hints don't work!

Just say it!

#1 Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

#1 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

#1 Anything we said 6 monthes ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comemnts become null and void after 7 days.

#1 If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

#1 If something we said can be interpretted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

#1 You can ask us to do something, but don't tell us how to do it. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.

#1 Whenever possible, please say whatever it is you have say during a commercial.

#1 Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

#1 All men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach and pumpkin for example are fruits. We have no idea what mauve is.

#1 If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

#1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you're lying, but it is not worth the hassle.

#1 If you ask a question you don't want to hear the answer too, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

#1 When we go out, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

#1 Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you're prepared to discuss such topics as fishing or baseball.

#1 You have enough clothes.

#1 You have too many shoes.

#1 I am in shape. Round IS a shape.

#1 Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know we really don't mind? It's like camping.

_________________________

[pinkfloyd4ever]

Yes I need 4 power drills and 10 hammers

Yes $25 for a new lure IS a deal

Yes I am wearing this

I showered yesterday

Yes you are way prettier than her

[snoozebutton]

There's no such thing as "too many fishing poles."

[OLY]

Yes I am going to lay on the couch all day drinking beer and watching football.

[pinkfloyd4ever]

and one of my famous ones: "No, I don't smell anything"

[zamboni]

I seen that list a few years back, but the number 1 man rule was, Don't ever cut your hair. EVER.

[papabear]

sounds like too much effort to tell her the rules that she will just argue about

[crothmeier]

Women should not be allowed to use the words "fine" and "whatever" in an arguement. becasue we all know if a guy says, honey im going fishing with the guys, and the reply is "fine" they really dont mean fine, or ok, or sure.

if "whatever" comes out, that doesnt mean they dont care, or sure,or yes thats ok. For lack of a better/nicer term "go jump off a bridge!"

[mrklean]

haha always good ones

[snoozebutton]

Thought I'd add this to this thread, seems appropriate.

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an one-who-thinks-I-am-silly and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[echo2010]

Thought I'd add this to this thread, seems appropriate.

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an one-who-thinks-I-am-silly and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

lol, a woman must have written this. One that knows her stuff .

[Pyrex]

I have a couple man rules to share:

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

3. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering his birthday is strictly optional.

4. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

5. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when your sitting on a tropical beach...and its free.

6. Unless your in prison, never fight naked.

7. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

8. If a man's fly is down, thats his problem, you didn't see anything.

9. Women who claim they "love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game.

10. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

11. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, thats just greedy.

12. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

13. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or mens gymnastics. Ever.

14. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you love me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360, end of story.

[DonBo]

A nice addition...

[Pyrex]

I have another dozen or so I received in an email but they are borderline, so I didn't post them. I also received some 'women' laws, but deleted them, those would have been good for a laugh.

[echo2010]

I have a couple man rules to share:

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

3. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering his birthday is strictly optional.

4. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

5. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when your sitting on a tropical beach...and its free.

6. Unless your in prison, never fight naked.

7. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

8. If a man's fly is down, thats his problem, you didn't see anything.

9. Women who claim they "love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game.

10. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

11. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, thats just greedy.

12. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

13. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or mens gymnastics. Ever.

14. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you love me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360, end of story.

bwahahahaha

[snoozebutton]

I also received some 'women' laws, but deleted them....

That should be added to the man rules.