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Mikey firing Mikey?!?!?!?!!????

lawdog

By lawdog
in NASCAR & Motor Sports

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lawdog Grand Master

lawdog

Posted
Posted

Saw this fictitious press release on another board. Too good not to share:

CORNELIUS, NC --- Michael Waltrip Racing announced Friday morning that driver Michael Waltrip is being relieved of driving duties in the number 55 NAPA-sponsored Toyota Camry. Waltrip has missed four of the season’s first five races, and has a season point total of negative 27 after incurring a 100 point penalty for a fuel additive that was discovered in his car’s intake manifold after qualifying for the Daytona 500 in February.

“We simply can’t continue on the path we find ourselves on,” stated an obviously dejected Waltrip, “and the time has come for a change. I’ve decided to release myself from my driving contract, and begin the search for a replacement.” No possible replacements were named, and any potential candidates would have to first be approved by Toyota Racing Development officials.

Michael Waltrip’s struggles as a driver began in 1985, and have continued through to the present day. Despite a handful of super speedway wins in DEI-prepared Chevrolets, including a pair of Daytona 500 victories, Waltrip’s career has been marked mostly by mediocre finishes and several memorable television commercials.

When asked if the controversy surrounding this year’s Daytona 500 had anything to do with the decision, Waltrip reminded that he is still working on finding out exactly who placed the fuel additive in his Toyota. “Just like OJ’s tireless hunt for his wife’s killer, we’ll continue to follow the leads until we find out once and for all, just who it was that actually made our car seem competitive during Daytona 500 qualifying.”

Ads for car parts, guns, rent-to-own furniture, and other necessities for the NASCAR fan still grace the Michael Waltrip Racing HSOforum, reminding visitors that Waltrip’s effectiveness as a pitch man can still lure advertisers into signing million dollar endorsement deals despite his complete inability to competitively drive a stock car at the sport’s highest level.

Despite his firing, Michael tried to remain upbeat. “It’s not cool to be fired by yourself, and it’s really uncool to have to fire yourself,” said Waltrip in a statement that was clear only to himself, “but you have to remind yourself to look at the bright side. We’ve got some really cool things going on at the Raceworld shop this summer where the fans will be able to participate in some actual shop activities. That is, if we still have a shop this summer.”

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HOF#13 Experienced

HOF#13

Posted
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Now that is some great stuff Lawdog! ! !

I do wonder what the Toyota Executives are thinking right about now? The cheating scandal at Daytona, and Mikey hasn't qualified for a race since...are they yet regretting funding Mikey's Team? Maybe not yet, but I don't think they can be at all happy.

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PierBridge Grand Master

PierBridge

Posted
Posted

Why would they everybody new Yota was going to struggle.

Toyota arguably having the most reliable dependable longest lasting passenger vehicle with the exception of maybe Honda wouldn't have any bearing on picking a fantasy Nascar team IMO.

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TNFL Mentor

TNFL

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Quote:

reliable dependable longest lasting passenger vehicle

My lumina had 215,000 miles when I got rid of it. Still had the original tranny, alternator, injectors and all. And it was a lot cheaper than your so called "reliable" passenger car. When you save $5,000 at original purchase price it is reasonable to expect to put a new fuel pump(maybe $300) and a starter(maybe $150) in over the life of a vehicle.

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HOF#13 Experienced

HOF#13

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I don't think anyone would argue the fact that we all expected Toyota to struggle a bit. But, with having successful Toyota teams in the NASCAR Truck series (and I do know that there is still a big difference), I am assuming the Toyota Executives expected a smaller, or shorter, learning curve. I can't hardly believe they expected this disaster that has become the start of Mikey's and Toyota's partnersip. Mikey and Team Toyota would be absolutely nothing this year except for Jarrett's provisionals (which are about gone) and AJ Allmendinger sqeezing into a few races. Mikey has done nothing behind the wheel of his car to help the team to this point.

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eyepatrol Grand Master

eyepatrol

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Jarret has his provisionals to rely on, but I think the "shining star" (for lack of a better term) for the Toyota bunch is going to be Vickers. He seems to be the only one who can run towards the front 1/2 of the pack on a somewhat consistent basis when he's able to qualify for a race.

This "Mikey firing Mikey" thing is really interesting though. How much has that got to suck?! And what's even worse IMO, is they're making commercials about him not being fast. The "I can't drive 55" Sammy Hagar commercials. Dang those are funny! grin.gif

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OUTDOORNUT Proficient

OUTDOORNUT

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No fret Yota boys. Mikey has Elliot on speed dial to hop in that 55 for at least 6 races after Jarrett uses all of his free rides up. Gosh darn that Darrel Waltrip and his constant provisional uses, otherwise they wouldn't have that rule!

It is fun to watch qualifying again. It makes my whole weekend every time that 55 or any Yota for that matter goes home! But to see Mikey struggle this way is something special. I have a smile from ear to ear!

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ricbak Collaborator

ricbak

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Dave Blaney has had A pretty good season for the Toyota drivers so far, but as for Mikey well I would think that the big shots at Toyota would have to be asking themselves if this guy is the one to bring them into the nascar scene. Mikey has the family name and he is a great PR guy on TV but his on track record is very sub par at best with only a couple super speedway wins and nothing else to add to his resume. If DW wasn't on the Sunday broadcast show just where would Mikey be???

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Uncle Bill Grand Master

Uncle Bill

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Quote:

Toyota arguably having the most reliable dependable longest lasting passenger vehicle with the exception of maybe Honda

That's pretty funny.

Both should come equipt with a bag to wear

over the drivers head, while driving one.

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