I have a "problem"

[ThunderLund78]

Conversation while lying in bed this morning with my wife as we were waking up:

Wife: Do you want to go to breakfast and church this morning

Me: I can do breakfast but I don't think I can make church - I have so much bacon that I'm going to need to smoke in in shifts all day to get it done.

Wife: I think you have a problem.

Me: Yeah, I need a bigger smoker.

[leechlake]

what you aced is making her think you need to be there at all moments.  It could back fire though in a case where there is something you want to do for a few hours.  Let's say a neighbor invites you over for some awesome appetizers he made, a few beers, and to watch the end of the Masters.  You'll need a plan to explain that.  I know you can do it but being prepared is 80% of the battle.  If you hesitate with a response your screwed and usually your eye contact disappears.  I could explain a few blunders I've made in this regard.

Here's one and then we'll get back to your smoker and bacon  .  One of the early big outdoor "investments" we made as newlyweds was a 15 horse Evinrude 4 stroke we "needed" at cabin.  It was blue.   A few years later we "invested" in our first real fishing boat.  About a year later I wanted to get a kicker motor for it but was met with stiff resistance.  Obviously I then bought it on the sly and paid cash so there was no paper trail.  They had blue and white so I picked blue to match the "other" motor.  I went a few years and she always thought the kicker motor was the original 15 horse, even though the kicker was a 9.9, she never noticed and I thought I was a genius.  

One Summer day at cabin I took a nap with one of my kids and I was woken up with the wife right in my face asking a lot of questions.  I made the major mistake of both motors being on different boats tied to the same dock.  So much time had gone by I had completely forgot about my little game.  Dead busted.  To this day that incident is called "the unauthorized purchase".  I wasn't prepared enough and ended up lying even more and then heard the ultimate wife line, "it isn't bad enough that you bought it but then you lied about it."  They love that line.

Anyway back to smoking bacon.

Edited April 10, 2016 by leechlake

[Boar]

Its better to be at home smoking and thinking about God, than be in church thinkin about smokin

[leech~~]

1 hour ago, ThunderLund78 said:

Conversation while lying in bed this morning with my wife as we were waking up:

Wife: Do you want to go to breakfast and church this morning

Me: I can do breakfast but I don't think I can make church - I have so much bacon that I'm going to need to smoke in in shifts all day to get it done.

Wife: I think you have a problem.

Me: Yeah, I need a bigger smoker.

Your going to go to hell for that!!

I missed because I installed a new water softener that I started yesterday. Wife was not to happy at all the brown water coming out at first!

[ThunderLund78]

The hours are ticking away and I needed to get the next batch in the smoker so I'm finishing the first in the oven.  I know my wife's gonna come home and complain, but this is what houses should smell like!

[RebelSS]

20 minutes ago, ThunderLund78 said:

The hours are ticking away and I needed to get the next batch in the smoker so I'm finishing the first in the oven.  I know my wife's gonna come home and complain, but this is what houses should smell like!

That, and apple pie!  

[Dotch]

Your methodology also works well on guns LL. Fortunately Mrs. Cheviot lost track of how many there are long ago so if/when she asks about one when I get it out, I use the time honored "What? This old thing? Had it for years! " line. And I'm usually not lying. Since I went to church today and bought my indulgences (I even ushered when it was my turn), I'm good to go for a while.   

[leechlake]

Thunder- if you know you're in trouble no sense even trying.  Probably the only trick is the "compare and contrast" method.  She comes home and mentions the mess, the smoke, and maybe you had a few too many.  You say:

"geez...I didn't know I could get in trouble for working my rear off all weekend....you act like I spent 5 hours out golfing or something"  

When you pick the activity (golf for example) make sure you pick something you don't do normally or you'll get in trouble next time you spend 5 hours doing that.  

[bobberineyes]

No matter what is said or happens when our ladies get home thunder , all is forgotten when they take the first bite .

[ThunderLund78]

Yeah, I don't see her turning down ribs when i make 'em.  

[LindellProStaf]

You all obviously never heard about the 48 hour rule.  Sneak something home and keep it behind something in the garage.  After the 48 hour hide when the wife sees it and asks about it you can say "what? That? we have always had that".   The other one is the permission deal.  Say you want to buy a new 4 wheeler.  As you are driving around and you see a 4 wheeler you say we should get one of those.  Well you keep doing it until the wife gives up and says yup or yes or any positive response.  Then you go buy it.  When she explodes cause you bought it you just have to say well the other day you said "yes we should have one of those"       

I had a black smaller ice auger that my first wife got mad that I bought.  BUT I did not return it.  She got used to it.  Well a couple of years later I traded it for a Jiffy Legend 9" auger.  MANLY and I still have it.  LOVE IT!  Well she went ice fishing with me once and said I thought "our" auger was black.  I just looked at her funny and said 'HUH? No it's yellow and black"  Then I turned away before I started laughing....   Talk about fun.  Like I said that was my exwife.   My present wife I talk about things like that and If I want it bad enough and we can afford it I can usually buy it.  

AND I can't take credit for these techniques.  Even though I used the theory before I heard about it.  Joe Souchery talks about these on his show Garage Logic on talk radio.  I tune into him at times.

I don't agree with all of his views but he is funny at times even though he is a grumpy old curmudgeon.

[leech~~]

10 hours ago, leechlake said:

 

Here's one and then we'll get back to your smoker and bacon  .  One of the early big outdoor "investments" we made as newlyweds was a 15 horse Evinrude 4 stroke we "needed" at cabin.   

 

Did they even make small 4 stroke motors that far back?

[leechlake]

I think one was a 99 and the other an '02 or so.  I'm a pup, merely 48.  I just act younger/immature.  

However, I feel like I'm 90 right now.  I was just looking up fibromyalgia stuff.  

My first motor that my dad let me use was a 1948 lime green Johnson and it had a handle so you could turn the prop 180 to go backwards.  They should still have that, if you ever go in reverse within 8 feet of a weed it gets stuck in the motor.  I ain't quite that old but I play an old guy in real life

 

[leech~~]

1 hour ago, leechlake said:

I think one was a 99 and the other an '02 or so.  I'm a pup, merely 48.  I just act younger/immature.  

However, I feel like I'm 90 right now.  I was just looking up fibromyalgia stuff.  

My first motor that my dad let me use was a 1948 lime green Johnson and it had a handle so you could turn the prop 180 to go backwards.  They should still have that, if you ever go in reverse within 8 feet of a weed it gets stuck in the motor.  I ain't quite that old but I play an old guy in real life

 

Um, not sure man get fibromyalgia?  I know my sister has it though. May be you have some kind of testicle or prostate stuff though?