child support paying dads

[bucketmouth64]

Any divorced dads out there paying support get their COLA adjustment yet? Just received my notification about the increase. Going over 9 bills now. I like to dream what I could be using that money for...like fishing trips.

[Paul Waldowski]

Got mine today. It was Less than I expected and I'm okay with it.

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Paul
Drake Motel

[email protected]
Marcum
Otter Outdoors
JR's Tackle

[HoleHopper]

Every two years. Yep, it goes up. Its just a fact of life now and you got to get over it or you will live the rest of your life being pi$$ed off. I just spent the last 22 years paying support.
I am done paying support now. Ya see I just got custady of my 14 year old son two years ago. And now my X is paying me. I went through two years of hell, atterneys, court dates, and not to mention an empty pocket that I am still trying to recover.
Now that it is all over with I can say that I wish my X would have been a good Mom, becouse she really hurt my son,and now has dissowned him. I just did what I had to do as a father. I do have to admitt, I now buy our fishing minnows with her money, with just a slight smerk on my face
As a father it doesnt get any better than this! JUst to know that I am makeing a difference in his life.

[bucketmouth64]

HH, congratulations on gaining custody of your son. I have 2 and they live out of state with their mother. I wish I would have had some sort of agreement that I would gain custody of them for maybe their high school years. Really miss them. Summer is approaching and I'll have them for 2 months. . I can only pray that some day one or both would want to come and live with me for a while.

[Sturgeon46]

Funny... When I was paying child support, Ramsey County and my ex-wife treated that whole process like a religion. She always wanted more and the county was always happy to help her get it. By the time my son was so screwed up that she could not deal with him and he had to come live with me (he's a-ok now by the way) and the custody roles are reversed, she does not have to pay me one thin dime. Like I said, funny. . .

[kslipsinker]

I split with my ex when my son was two, and I have had custody of him from the beginning. He is 23 now. I never got a dime from her. She never even saw him once after he was seven. I had to pay all of the bills she had accumulated while we were married and a few after we were split. It took me six years of working two jobs to do it, but it was worth it. My son had a lot of issues that took a lot of professional help to figure out, but I was there for him all of the time. I have now been happily married for fifteen years to a wonderful woman who lets me fish almost as much as I want. She was a huge help with my son during some very difficult times. I had to raise him on my own for the first seven years. Wouldn't trade that experience for anything. Life throws you a few curve balls, you just have to learn how to be patient to make yourself a good hitter. Time heals all.

[delmuts]

i have been there too. i got custody of my twins five years ago. they are now almost 18. their mom was a mental case. she finally did get help and now atleast the kids have a mom again instead of the crazy woman. the first two years were very hard for us, but we managed. now life has been great . they can and do drive me nuts some days, but i love it! i did cry some when both of them got their drivers license!!! mercy! but still cheaper than the support i was paying. to the dads paying and don't get to see their kids ; my heart goes out to you! to the fathers that got their kids; it's a tough job some days, but you are up to it. cheris every minute of it ! del

[blgoose]

I have a great info. web site for MN.Either Dads or Moms with out custody of there childen.WE THE PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE CHILD SUPPORT LAWS.Too many non custody parents!!! Not dead beats, are ..STRAVING because support payments.

[can it be luck?]

Ohhh, the woes of support. I payed 23% to the state of CT and 17% to Wi. for a total of 40% of my gross earnings for 18 years! I HAD TO work my arse off or get thrown into jail all that time. My daughter(age 22 now) did move in with me and I became the recepient of support when she turned 17, and my son in CT is now 18. I love my kids and yes they do need support...But 40%! Wow.
Well, it's in the past now and I've taken a couple of years off to enjoy myself without the fear of being thrown in jail for non support. I FIRMLY believe in child support, but at times the states make it almost IMPOSSIBLE for working dads.

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http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

[bucketmouth64]

blgoose and others. There is a ray of hope for us dads. The legislature is looking to change the support laws and the marriage dissolution laws. It has been a long time coming and the legislature knows it. It got shelved last year, but I was told by my Rep. that it looks like something should get done this year. Senator Tom Neuville is the author of one of the bills and he is looking for input on the changes. You can look up the bill sf778 and read the proposed changes. The support changes looks at both partys incomes and then determines an appropriate amount(formula). Not quite sure how that calculation works. I guess there will lots of arguements on the floor when it gets to that point. So there is hope for us dads. Contact your local politician.

[Gatores]

I pay but in north dakota and am under review right now. Im just wondering what is a COLA adjustment and is it a MN thing?

[Chev_trucks501]

Hi all,

I hear your gripes about the support. My best friend is going through that right now. I gots one question for you all...
Is it even worth getting married these days?
I see all the heck everyone is going through and the ordeal my friend has and it makes me wonder if marriage is even worth it?

Just curious on your thoughts. Thanks

Happy Fishing.
Chev

[Surface Tension]

Chev If you have kids your still going to pay child support regardless if you married or not.
Its absolutely worth getting married today but only do it if its right.
The best thing for the kids is to give them a functional family environment they can thrive in and use as a role model for their lives and relationships with their partner later in life. This doesn't always happen when the parents don't get along. If your relationship fails with your spouse its a loosing deal for all involved. The way you and your partner communicate will set an example for your children.
I'm 45 and still remember being asked "who do you want to live with". Thats devastating to a child to hear and never looked at that situation in my parents perspective. It must relay suck to loose contact with your child.
Your plight is an eye opener to us "happily married" guys.

[sandman469ss]

Doesn't matter whether you're married or not, if the child has your last name, you're paying. When I went through mine, my attorney put MN as one of the worst states to get divorced in as far as child support. So I did it in Colorado. It hasn't ever been reviewed (10yrs).
The X is in New Mexico right now, so I have to bite my tongue now and then, but it's worth it when I can work out taking my daughter for the summer. Hopefully this summer will be the summer she catches the BIG ONE. An 8 1/2lb northern lit her eyes up last summer, and there's nothing better than seeing that on a kid's face.

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Takin it easy! & if it’s easy, I’ll take it twice!

[can it be luck?]

Chev-trucks, it's hard to say if marriage is even worth it anymore...At least based on divorce rates.
ST, I like what you said in your post.
BTW people, do you ever notice all your male friends have the same personalities and act the same almost all the time. Women on the other hand are different, you never know what you're gonna get. I know hormones do play a part here, but geeze I've never met a woman that's remained the same throughout a relationship. My last girlfriend thought I was having affairs when I went to MN fishing. She found a lake pass that was hand written from Agazzi's launch on Red(it had the husband and wifes name and date of pass) and she said they were sexual partners I meet at Red Lake. Red's fun..But not that fun!
PLEASE, I don't want women to take offense! I speak from my experiences ONLY. I just know what to expect when my buddys show up, and they always act the same. With woman....You never know just "who" may show up!

[federline]

can it be luck,

You might be able to relate to a quote of a former boss of mine, which he said while griping at work one morning about his wife after what sounded like a grumpy day waking up in his house:

"So I told her: 'You gotta understand - Every day when I wake up, I feel the same as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that... I don't change weekly like you do!' "

Of course, this is the guy who once said "Life is like a candy bar... that you can't... quite... reach."

[Chev_trucks501]

Thanks for the replies. This is definately an interesting topic. I am not married nor do I have any kids. They are always something that I wanted though. I am in a relationship right now and seeing all the divorces going on and what people are going through is giving me second thoughts. I just hope that doesn't happen to me...
Anyways Good Luck Too All Of Ya!

Happy Fishing
Chev

[bucketmouth64]

Gatores,

COLA stands for cost of living adjustment. It is a MN thing. Done every 2 years automatically to give ex's more money. You are giving them a raise. Feel like an employer. Trying to fight the increase is next to impossible. All MN laws (in regards to support, divorce, custody) benefit the women in all aspects and us men do not have any. We just suffer and try to make ends meet each month.

I would love to get re-married someday. I need to find someone first (been 6 years guys ) I think I am holding out pretty good. I want to share my life with someone special.

[HoleHopper]

Bucketmouth 64, I can really simpithize with those of you that, the children live out of state. Two months in the summer is definatly not enough time to show them all aspects of outdoors in MN. My son used to live in FL. I totaly get it when you say you miss them. Good luck to you and yours!

[jr1318]

heres the other side of the coin, my wife ex is 8 grand behind in support, went to judge cut payment because he scamed unemployment and cant afford child support and paying back state for unemployment. also while he was working and collecting unemployment was paying 250.00 a moth for 3 kids, he also is supposed to pay medical he doesnt, i pay their insurance, plus 2have braces i pay for, 1 spent 1 week in hospital,i paid, so dontyou all tell me how your getting screwed, look at it from the other side, im sure some are but i know theyre lots like my wife ex FLAME AWAY

[This message has been edited by jr1318 (edited 03-28-2004).]

[jr1318]

[This message has been edited by jr1318 (edited 03-28-2004).]

[deeky]

A huge kudos to all of you taking responsibitlity for your kids and for your past decisions. As someone working with youth, ALL too often I see people who have only been interested in a weekend of fun, and then decided they still want to be kids themselves after they have kids of their own. Kids can't raise kids! Thank you for being accountable for your decisions in the past. There are so many people out there who want kids but can't have them. When you understand what a blessing your kids are, money doesn't really matter. My two cents from an objective point of view.

[HoleHopper]

JR1318 It is unfortunate that you have to deal with this looser in your life. I would not be blameing all non custodial Dads for your misfortune. But that is just me. If I missread your post, then I appaligize. It does not seem to make sence.
Sounds like you had and have choices though.
There is a heck of a lot of good Dads out there and I comend them. There are a lot of good Dads getting financialy raped. I have never heard of a Non costodial mom getting the raw end of the deal. There a lot of Moms that should not have custady of there children and for the most part, only do becouse of the financial gains of haveing custady.
HoleHopper

[bmc]

I've been divorced since Sept. '01. I have 2 wonderful girl's, 10 and 5. Their mom basically got disowned by her family and moved down to Duluth to be with boyfriend #2. In between me and him, she had a baby with boyfriend #1 and dumped him before the baby was born. Now she's pregnant again, maybe with boyfriend #2's baby, but who knows for sure? Is it just me or is there a pattern here? I'm waiting for her to kick boyfriend #2 to the curb, and then get child support out of him too. I get the girl's every other weekend and during vacations during the school year and every other week in the summer. It's nice, but they still live 90 miles away, so it's hard to make it to all the school activities, but I try. I just wish that child support paying parent's didn't have to claim the support as income and the support receiving parent's did. Oh yeah, I'm paying $480 a month. I'd also like to see the support receiving parent have to show documentation on what the support was spent on. I also pay the kid's medical and dental insurance. This state needs to get out of the dark ages when it comes to child support. Granted they're trying to re-vamp it, but knowing my x, she can't hold a job for more than a year, so how will they figure her income out? All I know is she's making more a month in child support, than what my monthly take home is. Thank God I met a wonderful woman and have been happily married a little over 2 years now. She's been really great for my kid's. If it wasn't for her income, I'd be living with my parent's because I would have a hard time surviving on $1400 a month take home.

Brian

[can it be luck?]

I hear ya! And amen to that. Child support is GREAT...But not always fair.
IMO, people could, and do view children as "income", being rewarded by the state and non-custodial parent. Heck you'll always have to pay to put a roof over your head and have utilities, so how much "extra" is really needed????

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