Funny bear stories

[bogwalker]

I had one bait that was only 1/4 to 1/2 mile from home. You know how it is when you approach a bait crib, listening, eyes wide open etc.. I pull my bait sled to the crib and start unloading it when I think I hear something in the surrounding thick brush. I stand up and look toward the sound. Next I see something coming at me. Brush is parting, branches are snapping and I can't see through the brush until it is about 3 yards away entering my bait clearing. My black lab had followed me from home without my knowledge, he comes bounding out into the clearing panting and wagging his tail. I did not call him by his name when I scolded him.

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[PEATMOSS]

1983, first bear hunt I was ever on. I didn't have a permit, but my two friends did. We were canoeing the Bigfork river on the last weekend of the season looking for bears feeding under the oaks. It was unseasonably cold that day.

I was paddling in the back of the canoe as we rounded a bend in the river and spotted a bear feeding on acorns. I quietly paddled closer as my friend in the front of the canoe took aim. At about 40 yds, my friend shot and the bear hunched up and bounded into the brush. We brought the canoe to the bank and instead of pulling it up on shore, we just pushed our paddles into the river bed and pegged it against the bank. There was blood on the ground and we tracked the bear a couple hundered yards. After a few high fives and dressing the bear out, we drug the beast back to where we had landed the canoe. Of course the canoe was now about 3 blocks downstream tangled up in a blowdown on the other side of the river!

The nearest bridge was about 5 miles away, so by a vote of 2-1 I was chosen to swim across the river and retrieve the canoe. It was only about 40 degrees out and the water was frigid. I didn't want to get any of my clothes wet so I decided to get butt naked. I swam across the river and climbed into the canoe and began paddling back upstream. The current wasn't that swift, but with no weight in the bow, I'm struggling a bit. Just as I was about 100feet from my destination, a couple of granola eaters(man and woman) round the bend in their fancy canoe and paddle by me within 10 feet. My friends are just howling on the shore and yelling to the granola eaters something to the effect of I'm chasing them. The looks on the faces of that couple as they sped by me were worth the humiliation.

Sorry, that's the best I got.

[Matt Breuer]

Sorry, that's the best I got.

No need to apologize, I don't think it can be beaten! From the cool story of how the bear was taken, down to the "granola eaters" being scared of sasquatch...

Thanks for the read!

[ozzie]

that is a good one PEATMOSS!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!!

[Boar]

It wasnt funny at the time but my dad an I laugh at now, The first bear I shot on our family land was very exciting. I went about pretty much all on my own with some advise from local veteren bear hunters, found a good location I thought was ideal, gathered bait from the local fast food store, built a crib, an continued to bait until opening shooting, I was getting hit almost right away, which I know now were probably coon, but eventulaly I was able to clearly see signs of a bear opening the crib, WOW. That was awsome, so Opening evening arived with twin cubs at the site an I declined to shoot, I had seen larger sizd claw marks on the logs than the guys were capable of making. So this went on for the next few weeks as i could only hunt on weekends due to work. Filled my pants a few times scaring those cubs of the pile once or twice. You think a grouse busting cover under foot is blood pumping, nothing beats busting a bear on the pile. it finally came down to the last weekend in september an my wife was getting [PoorWordUsage], one more time I promise! Last time I promise, I got this new trick I promise.... Fired up the bacon burn an an half an hour late in walks smokey, put an arrow right thru him an tadah first bear. I imeadialty called a family freind to help track an my dad an gandpa, they finnaly show up, an everyone takes turns draging this 200 lber up a 90 degree slope for about 80 yards out of the river bottom. Did'nt realized a bear like to slide inside his hide, ya pull up hill two feet an he slides down a foot at rest, hard stuff. Finnaly we reach the top an my dad is huffin hard an reaches out an just falls on his face. OH MY GOD DAD!!!!! I really thought I had killed him right there with this bear draging. He gets up an says I'm fine, "I just reached out for a tree to lean on an rest an I missed." Holy smokes did we laugh. Later boar

[CANOPY SAM]

I've had numerous very close calls with bears over the years, but the best was probably at Lake Rowan in northern Ontario.

It was 1981, and I was guiding a group of kids on a week-long trout fishing fly-in and one kid, unknowingly, brought the 24 hr. flu with him. Throughout the week this bug made it's way thru everyone, until it was my turn.

I was sitting in the cabin on a cloudy, cool, rainy afternoon, with a severe case of sphincter quiver, when I felt the sudden urge to reverse eat. I ran outside, because there were no indoor facilities, and fell against a picnic table about 50 ft. from the cabin. After I energetically yacked my insides out on the ground I sat down in the grass, and leaned my head on the bench seat of this rickety old picnic table.

I was wrung out, sick, and exhausted from wretching. Resting my head on that wet wooden bench felt so good, with the cool rain drifting down on the side of my face, and the cool green forest breeze gently filling my nose. My fever was quickly diminishing and I believe I momentarily drifted off to sleep.

I was quietly awaken by the subtle, but quirky rocking of the picnic table. As I came to my senses I raised my head from the bench and looked straight up into the eyes of a full grown, 450+ lb. black bear, looking straight down at me from the top of the picnic table. We were nose to nose. God's honest truth.

Needless to say, despite my near death condition, I found the strength to make the sprint to the cabin in world record time.

Now comes the funny part. Of course I couldn't let the other infirmed sleep under the circumstances. They couldn't have slept if they wanted to. I'd bet you could've heard me hollering in St.Cloud about then!

As we watched from behind the screen door of our cabin this big old sow sits on her hind quarters on top of our picnic table and rocks back and forth like an old farmer on a sunny Sunday afternoon. She does this for about 10 minutes, then carefully climbs down from the table, proceeds to lap up the gorge I'd previously fertilized the yard with, and saunters off into the woods like she'd just paid all her bills.

Now you can just about imagine how a bunch of already green-in-the-gills city boys felt after watching a bear eat puke outside their cabin. They couldn't even run outside! Of course I felt great. My stomach was empty, and I was wide awake!