Most Embarrassing Memory Of Your Life

[Driftless]

Right after high school I went to technical college for a degree in refrigeration and heating servicing. I should have picked the path I wanted but I listened to my mother and got a technical degree in LaCrosse.

I knew this field was not for me because I was afraid of electricity and the only tool I used properly was the "silly-me stick." This was my uncle's term for a shovel. I went to work for my uncle's plumbing and heating business.

Being a apprentice plumber nearly killed me on numerous occasions. Crawling in an attic to cut out a vent pipe and encountering a hive of bees and 38 stings later was my initiation to plumbing my first week of work.

I can still remember ratting a sewer manually once and really throwing some muscle in to the clog. I remember my uncle's words exactly. "Bear down white child and get that clog out!" I pulled a long length of the rat out of the pipe and slammed it in there as hard as I could. The clog broke free but the tail end of the rat came around and slapped my uncle right upside the head and knocked him on his butt. He was so mad his eyes almost popped out of his head. I stayed clear of sewer rats for a while.

A new week brought a new dilemma. A guy bought an old burned out farm house and the plans of the house and the septic field and tank were burnt up in the fire. I was handed my tool. The silly-me stick and told to find the septic tank. Three hours later and numerous holes dug I found it.

If you all aren't familiar with septic tank I will paint a verbal photo for you. It is a cement tank about 6 feet deep and 12 round. It typical has a lid on it. The lid is cement also and typically there is a re-bar handle on the top of the lid. The lid I would say weighted 50 pounds typically. The lid was there so when the septic tank needed its annual maintenance the truck with a huge vacuum cleaner like hose could suck up the contents. This septic tank had been ignored and certainly needed the contents removed.

I cleared the dirt from around lid and gave the lid a might pull. It didn't move even an iota. My uncle was hurrying me to get that lid off because the "Honey Wagon" was already on the way there to vacuum up the **** and etc. I took a look at the lid and there was tar holding the lid on. I chiseled and pulled and chiseled and pulled until I finally got the lid to move a little. I then heard the infamous "Bear Down White Child Statement."

I pulled for all I was worth and then it happened. The chiseling of the lid and surrounding area to get rid of the tar had weakened the top of the septic tank. The top of the tank disintegrated under my feet. It happened so quickly I could not let go of the fifty pound lid.

I was submerged in the septic tank. I let go of the lid promptly and stood up. My head was above the contents just barely on my tip toes. My uncle and cousin were laughing so hard they literally fell down and were rolling on the ground. I went to pull myself out of the tank and took a breath before I crawled out and the sewer gas replaced what oxygen I had in my lungs and I was immediately light headed. I clawed my way out of my predicament and laid there for a while and got real air in my lungs and then I cussed both of them out for not helping me out.

They said I was too dirty to ride in the truck so they hooked up a hose and hosed me down in 25 degree weather until they thought I was clean enough to ride in the back of the pick-up 10 miles home to take a shower. I took a dozen showers that day and burnt the clothes I was wearing. It took two weeks of blowing my nose to get the smell out of my nasal passages.

I enlisted in the Army that next spring. I was a poor plumber.

[leechlake]

I've crapped in my pants hunting but that seems like a treat compared to what you went through.

[ozzie]

oh the mental picture of you trying to get that cover off and falling gave me a good chuckle!!!! Did you have a beard back then also?

[Driftless]

oh the mental picture of you trying to get that cover off and falling gave me a good chuckle!!!! Did you have a beard back then also?

nope was only 19 so there were no cling ons or dingle berries in my then peach fuzz.

[ozzie]

haha maybe that is why you grow it to keep out the mess!!

[ncesi]

Had a similar incident. We were electricians and me father sent me at 17 years old over to a customers house to help the plumber check the lift pump for proper working order. When I arrived the plumber was just about to pull the lid off the tank and these were the old round lids that were in 2 or 3 pieces. Well needless to say as we tried to move the heavy cover we lost it and it dropped into the tank. I quickly backed up only to see the huge splash of water come up and knock the plumbers hat off and a face full of S***. Wow did he use my name in vain!

[Gordie]

Forgot to buckle up in the old style bobcat skid loader with no roll cage and lifted the load of pig carp up to dump it on the carp pile and it flipped forward, and I went head first into the pile of pig pooh and it was a interesting ride home. It was about this time of year so it was a cold ride in the back of the truck.

[ozzie]

gordie that makes me think of the back to the future when the manure gets all over Biff and his car....darn Mcfly!!!

[JeremyCampbell]

It was a beautiful day outside and had my family over for a BBQ.I was standing in the kitchen saying how nice it was outside to the family.I had the sliding door open for fresh air.Then I walked to the patio door and said come on guys let's go outside,what are you waiting for ? I walked fast into the screen slider door thinking both the glass and screen doors were open and knocked the screen door right off and flew right on the patio tripped and smacked my face right on a chair.It was a little hard to come up with something to say to get the attention off that stupid stumble.