Jokes

['eyesmaster89]

Does anybody have any good fishing jokes?

Good Fishing,
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[This message has been edited by 'eyesmaster89 (edited 03-18-2003).]

[fishtank]

"Do you know why fish are so thin?"
"They eat Fish!"

-Jerry Seinfeld

[upnorth]

What do you call a someone who can put 100 worms on a single hook?

A master baiter!!

I know, I know that is bad

[Granny]

A buddy of mine and I were fishing in a small river by my parents house. We were fishing near a tree that had fallen into the water. I was checking it out to see if I would be able to walk out onto this tree to get a better casting angle. As I was looking at this tree a squirrle runs out towards the end of the tree and starts eating an acorn. All of a sudden there was a loud commotion and a huge northern jumps out of the water and snatches the squirrel off of the tree. We were like holly &*#$, did you see that! Eventually the water was perfectly still and the northern pops his head up next to the tree and puts another acorn on the log. (ha ha ha)

[This message has been edited by Granny (edited 03-19-2003).]

[redhooks]

Two old guys were drinking some brews while fishing on a bridge, after a few beers they both go to take a leak over the bridge. The first guy is feeling pretty confident and says "man this water is cold!" and the second one ,not to be outdone, says "yeah deep too!"

[Guest]

A man was stopped by a game warden in colvil park recently with two buckets of fish leaveing a river thats well known for its fishing.

The game warden askes the man, "do you have a licence to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden." No sir, these are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

Yes sir. every night I take them to the river to swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into there buckets, and I take them home.

Thats a bunch of hooey! fish cant do that.

The man looked at the game warden, and said, here ill show you it really works.

OK the warden said, he was curious.

The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, Well?

Well what, the man responded.

Well when you going to call them back

Call who back, the man asked.

The fish!

What fish? the man asked.

[Granny]

Ole and Lena are driving down the road and Lena says to Ole, "Ole I have to pee, could we pull over?" Ole says, "hold on for a little while, there is a car behind us." So they drive on for a couple more miles and Lena says, "Ole I really have to pee, can we pull over!" Ole says, "Lena, lets get over this hill first." So they drive a little farther and Lena says, "Ok Ole pull the car over and let me pee off of this bridge." So Lena gets out and starts to pee off the bridge. As Ole is sitting in the car he hears Lena laughing away. Lena gets back into the car and Ole asks, "Lena, whats so funny?" Lena replies, "I think I just [PoorWordUsage]ed in a canoe!" Ole says, "no Lena that wasn't a canoe, that was your relfection!"

[Kevin Turner]

The game warden came upon a fellow cleaning a nice limit of fish. The warden asked "where'd you get them nice fish", The fellow replied "it was a secret" but he would be willing to show the warden 1st hand. The warden got into the fellows boat and went to the secret spot. The fellow opened up his tackle box and lit a stick of dynamite. The warden exclaimed YOU CAN'T DO THAT! Upon handing the lit stick to the game warden, the fellow said "Are you gonna talk or fish?"

[hydro]

Ole and Lena were driving down a country road when the see Sven sittng out in the middle of a bean field in his boat, holding his fishing pole. Lena says to Ole "should we go ask Sven how the fishin is?". Ole, looking a little confused, say how can we? We don't have a boat.

[Granny]

From the Bob and Tom web site.

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut it off, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or sex?" She said, "Wear a sweater."

[Crappie Killer]

You know what the difference is between Tiger Woods and Saddam Hussein, don't you?

On Wednesday, Tiger got OUT of the bunker

[Kevin Turner]

Do you know why divorces are so expensive?............Because ther' worth it!

[Guest]

there's an indian....a cowboy and an arab sitting at the bar....the indian takes a sip of his beer and says once we were many and now we are few....the arab sips his beer and says.....once we were few and now we are many....the cowboy sips his beer....looks at the arab and says....we haven't played cowboys and arabs yet!!!!!!!

[Kevin Turner]

The year is 2050 & a grandfahter & grandson are fishing a pond in grassy park in NYC.The 12 year old boy asked his grandpa, "why is this grassy park in the middle of all these tall buildings?" The grandpa told him that 2 great towers once stood there but the Arabs blew them up. After pondering what the grandpa said, the boy asked,"Grandpa whats an Arab?"

[This message has been edited by Kevin Turner (edited 03-23-2003).]

[JAR JAR]

I thought you guys would like this.
A blonde decided she needed something new and
different for a winter hobby.She went to the
bookstore and boughtevery book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied every book,hoping to become an expert in the field.Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.

She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice,she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed,"There are no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings,moved further along the ice,poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.

Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. Shepacked up her gear and moved to the far side of ice.

Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly-tools in the right place ,chair positioned just right, everthing.

Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "No,this is the manager of the skating rink!"

Sorry so long, but I thought you would like it.

Jar Jar

[Guest]

What did the walleye say after swimming head first into a cement wall?.....DAM!

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[icehousebob]

The DNR wanted to develop a new fish species to help the tourist industry. Through gene splicing, they crossed a Coho with a Walleye and got a Cowal. It tasted good, but to make it a great fighter and trophy they crossed the Cowal with a Musky. They got a Cowalsky. But they found out it was so dumb it didn't know how to swim.
When Oly finally died, Lena called the weekly newpaper and asked how much it cost to put in a notice. The editor told her it was twenty cents a word. Lena told him," Put in your paper, OLE DIED. The editor told her," We have a one dollar minimum, you can have five words for the same price as just two." Lena thought a moment and said,"Put in your paper,OLE DIED, BOAT FOR SALE.

[ghotierman]

the grizzled old fisherman pulls up to the dock...his passenger, a stunning, buxom lass with legs all the way to the ground steps lithely from the boat...a couple of teenagers ogle her then ask the old man... "catch anything?" the old man replies: "i hope not!"

[Guest]

Is it still ok to tell a fishing joke?

Two guys were out fishing a boat. They had been out there for 8 hours and not said a word to one another. The sky suddenly got dark and the wind began to blow. One of the guys looks up and says "It looks like it might rain!" The other man replies "Did you come here to talk or fish!"