written after losing my best friend

[Grant Pearson]

I wrote this after I lost my best friend back in 2004.

The Loss of a Best Friend

You still remember the day the two of you met. You knew that you two would be inseperable. The more time you spent together, the closer you became. You grew up together. You went through your childhood, adolescence, and beginning of your adulthood together. You still remember the first unsupervised hunt the two of you took together. The two of you wanted to do things differently on that hunt, but were able to compromise on how that hunt, as well as future hunts, were to take place. As the years rolled by, you became to trust eachother more and more, and there would be the occasional night where you would let your hunting companion, and now best friend, sleep in your bed; either at the foot or curled up right next to you. Soon, they are sleeping next to you every night. The more time the two of you spend together, the better you get to know eachothers' emotions, how to make each other happy, as well as get your way. It seemd destined that the two of you would come into each other's lives. The respect, love, care, knowledge of each other, and for each other, ran very deep. You would do anything for your best friend and hunting companion, and could expect the same in return. You recall many times when you have drawn blood, or had blood drawn, for your best friend. You also remember them returning the favor, seemingly many times over. After a few years of knowing each other, you two are inseperable. You rush home at the end of the day to spend those few extra minutes together. If you were going hunting and no one else was free, they were just a holler away. Many times, when trying to find new hunting areas, you would bring them along to get their input. You would walk through the feilds or woods together and know how each other felt about it. Sometimes, both of you would just jump into your truck and drive, without a preset destination, end up getting lost, and stop to hunt while finding your way back. You made many memories together, like shooting your first grouse, your first pheseant hunt, and your first bear encounter, which, if not for them, could've turned out much worse; and for that, you are greatful.

People have asked me on several occasions why I spent so much time, and cared so much for my hunting dog. I simply tell them, "you would not understand." There's something about the bond between a hunter and his dog that can't really ever be fully explained. It's that strong and it runs that deep. I've been told, "but it is just a dog." Ask anyone who's owned a dog, or had a dog "own" them, and they will tell you that they're more than just a dog. They're someone you can confide in, someone that you can trust, that can make you smile no matter how blue you are. In a certain, special way, they become a big part of you.

You spemd years together, go to check-ups together, and one day, seemingly out of the blue during a routine check-up you are told that your best friend, your hunting companion of almost a decade and a half, has a possibly malignant tumor. You are devestated. In your mind, you've done everything right. You can't think of anything that you might have done to cause the tumor. The "what ifs" start going through your mind. "what if I gave them a different type of food?" What if I gave them more or less exercise?" You get as many tests done as you can to see if the tumor really is malignant as well as doing some research of your own at the library. What you learn doesn't really please you. You learn that it is not uncommon for your breed of dog to develop cancer at a later stage in thier lives. Of course, you start to worry more.

And then it comes; there is a message from the vet simply saying that you should call them. Of course, you know every way to get a hold of him. You have his home, cell, and beeper numbers as well as office number. And you do get a hold of him; even more bad news. The tests come back positive; your best buddy has cancer. The vet tells you there are some different options you can choose. They could go in and operate, which is very unpredictable with a dog as old as your hunting companion; chemo, which may or may not help, or just plain and simple time. You decide to just give it time, knowing full well that with any of the options, your best buddy is going to die very soon anyway, and you want to spend as much time with them while thier memory is still good, especially now that the end is near.

Outside, it is approaching the end of summer, and you hope on a prayer that you can get at least one last hunt in before they are called away from you. On your day off, you go to your favorite hunting spot (which is really their favorite hunting spot) and look for the perfect spot for when the dreaded day actually comes. You find the perfect spot and both agree on it, more or less.

Your one hope and prayer is answered, and your best friend has made it to the grouse opener. It is becoming obvious that your best friend of over a decade is really slowing down, so you don't push them like you normally would. You do not push them at all actually, because both of you know that this may very well be the last hunt you two take together. And it is. After cleaning the one grouse that you actually managed to hit, you decide to keep the wings for when your buddy is called from you.

The next morning, you wake up and instinctively know something is wrong. You find your hunting com[anion in the next room walking towards you, knowing that you are awake and wanting to see you, stumbling like they had a stroke. You look at the time; it's 6:45 a.m. You know the vet's office is closed, but you call anyway. Your call is answered and you rush down to the vet's office, but before leaving the house, you instinctively grab the grouse wings. You do not realize that you have grabbed them until you are driving to the vet's office and feel something digging into your coat pocket. You look down to see your companion for so long struggling to do what they've been doing for over 13 years: finding grouse for you; only this time it is not with the obvious intensity as before, but with the same passion as ever. You arrive at the vet's office and rush inside and tell them what's going on. They run a few more tests, take a few x-rays, and after a seemingly long half hour, come back with the tests. Your heart sinks when they walk in because you know what's about to take place next. The vet tells you that the cancer spread to the brain and ruptured a blood vessel, causing a stroke. They then start talking about what would be best, but you already know what would be best for your favorite hunting buddy, so you take out the grouse wings and lay them on the table next to her. You then put your hands onto the table next to the wings, palms up. Your companion for so many wonderful years smells the wings, and then puts her head on your hands, looks up at you, as if to say "I am ready. It's time for us to part ways." The vet asks if you are ready, and you respond by saying; "I will never be ready for this to happen, but it is time for it to happen." Only then do you realize the tears rolling down yourface and the huge knot in your throat. You bend down so you are face to face with your best friend. You look inot thier eyes and they are looking into yours. She licks your nose as the vet gives her the first shot, and in her own way, she says "Thanks for everything. I love you and will see you when you get home." The vet administers the second shot and you watch her finally fade into the next life; into the big field up in the sky. You try to move, but for the moment, you can't move anything. Even if you could move, would you really want to? You stay there, in the room crying with your best friends' head in your hands, and don't notice the vet leave the room. You notice only when he comes back into the room and asks what you want to do next. You tell him you would like your companion cremated and want to make sure that you get her, and only her remains back. You are told that can be done, but it will cost more to be done that way. You do not care about the extra cost, because to you, the last 13 years have been worth every extra penny.

After you get her remains back, you go to the spot that you both have picked out and giver her the best burial that you could give her.

You go back to where you buried her from time to time, but do not hunt there anymore. In your mind, that spot is hers and hers alone. Sure, you walk through the area with your shotgun from time to time, but the gun isn't loaded. You didn't even bring any shells with you. You are there for the remembrance of your best friend more than anything else. Besides, this is her hunting grounds now. And it will stay that way in your heart. When people ask why you are so sad, and you tell them that you lost your dog, the usual response is "well, it was just a dog." To you, they were more than just a dog. They were a hunting companion, someone you were close to, someone you confided in, and most of all, they were your best friend.

Huntre-

You will be missed by everyone that knew you. You were truly loved and appreciated. Until I come home to the big field in the sky, you will always be in my heart.

1/18/91-6/08/04

[MNpurple]

Thats a really touching read, and a great tribute to your old friend. I've got a 1 year old lab and this is my first hunting dog, heck first dog period. I dread when that day comes, but will enjoy every hunting season until then.

[Ryan_V]

wow, that was a great read, and only someone that has had a friend like yours would understand. I just lost my best friend of 10 years as well. Unfortunately I lost mine to the highway. Since it happened (4 days ago), I can't do anything I used to do, because he won't be checking on me any more. I can't spend time outside without him. I've been told to get another dog, but that IS NOT AN OPTION, my dog was irreplacable. I have to see the spot I found his broken and battered body every day, and it pains me to my core. "what if I would have just kept him in his kennel" ... "what if......" .... "what if......" I am glad that I'm confident that he didn't suffer, and that he died doing what he loved...running and exploring, but "what if...."

again, great read!!! talking about it helps the healing process.

[trailratedtj]

i seem to find joy in stories like the one you've written. Ive read many and ive experinced the reasons for the stories. Its nice to know theirs other people that feel the same way i do. Your story is by far one of the best ive read. I hate the day ill have to write another one of those stories becuase i know its inevitable, but i know my buddy and I will have enough memories to rival a good story like yours.

[Grant Pearson]

Thanks guys. I thought that some would like reading this. I know that it brings back memories for a lot of us that have lost our best friends. Ryan, again, I'm sorry for your loss. I know know how much it hurts. They will stay with us forever.

[Sandmannd]

Good story Grant. It's always hard when you loose a friend.

[Grant Pearson]

Thanks shane.

[jigging-matt]

Very Well written, Thanks for sharing.

[Grant Pearson]

thanks for the compliments guys. Trail- It's always tough to write these stories. It took me about a year before I could even sit down to write this story. Every time I tried to write it, I would freeze up. They really are a man's best friend, and those that don't or haven't had dogs really don't understand the bond that we share with them.

Ryan- I can say from experience that getting another dog right away is the worst thing to do. I had a friend try to give me a dog a month after Huntre died. I ended up giving it back to my friend because I couldn't bond with the dog nor could I give it the affection that it needed. It took me well over a year before I was able to get another dog, and even then, it was on accident.

[Ryan_V]

king, I hear you. I have no intentions of getting another dog. Jakes orange collar is around the barrel of my shotgun in the gun cabinet and there they both will stay for this hunting season. I won't even get the gun out. He wasn't a master hunter by any means, but for the type of hunting I do, he was perfect. I just loved watching him work in the field doing what he was put on this earth for!! most times he'd get the birds up to far out in front of me, but that was fine with me, he was having fun and I was having fun with him!!! I'll be getting his remains back next week and I was told of a place that will take his ashes and put them in with a mixture and make a garden stone out of it with his picture in it. I think I'm going to try and find that and go that route!!! sounds kinda neat.

[Backwoods]

Very Very Well Written

Thanks for sharing, as I wipe my tears I write. I lost my Golden best friend to the same thing during the past holidays. Now that opener is just to start, I know I will miss her at my side as I leave the dock this year. I know her sprit will be with me, so if you see someone alone on the lake with a tear in his eye, you may understand that it's not just the wind.

Backwoods

[Grant Pearson]

There will always be that little void in your heart after losing your best friend. There are certain places that I still won't hunt due to the being "her" places. I'll walk through them and recall memories, but can't bring myself to hunt those spots any more.

[Nate McVey]

Thanks for posting that......I don't know why I read these posts anymore.....everytime I do I find myself over come with emotion about past friends that I have had to put down. I grew up with a mother and daughter black and chocolate lab (sadie and reese). My dad works for the forest service and was fighting fires when both dogs had to be put down. I buried them both in the backyard, both under pouring rain. I feel for all of you that have suffered such terrible loses and all though it does pass with time, I put Reese (the daughter) down almost 9 years ago, and everytime I am reminded of her (smell, bark, certain hunting spot, etc.) I find myself with tears in my eyes.

RIP

Sadie

Reese

I will see you both again.........

[croixflats]

Thankyou, Id say more but now I cant see the keey board.

Took me 4 years before another not a replacement but another extention of the family. I still to this day say thanks.

[SSSTaxidermy]

KingF1 thanks for sharing…I haven’t experienced a “hunting buddy” death experience yet, but I know that time will come. I did share your message with my wife and friends. All of my friends have dogs, but not for hunting reasons, but yet can relate to your situation non-the-less. The return response I got was…”Thanks for making me cry at work”. That return response I got says volumes, in a positive way. I feel it is touching to all dog owners, that is for sure!

I’ve got a 6 yr old daughter and a 2yr old black lab. These 2 will grow up together and no matter how good of hunter my buddy will be, she will always be my #1 dog, being she is the first for our young family. I’m just dreading, “the day”. I feel messages like yours will help. Thanks again.

[Grant Pearson]

you're welcome. I posted this because I others would share the same feelings about losing their best friend as I did, as well as it reminds us that they were our best friends for a reason. It was hard to write this, and my eyes still well up when I read through it. Thanks for the positive response guys.