humor ? could be true guys!

[Guest]

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00.

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full so instead of taking it back to auto store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. Jack car up.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Gets hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Have a Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992).
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
Beer $25.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Total-- $4150.00

[Skeets]

[brian6715]

unbelievable

[Valv]

I dare anybody saying at least 30 of these steps NOT apply to you...

[Mankato-Ice-Man]

Too funny.
Forgot step #51- Listen to wife say, " I told you so!"

------------------
Born to Fish, Forced to Work!

[Vickie]

I love it!! that's great!!

Vickie

[Guest]

#51- Listen to wife say, " I told you so!"
#52- Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Fishing! Beer

[Guest]

LOL
That is the exact reason I go to Rapid Oil!

[DUCKJ]

i worked on cars for a living for 6 years and now it valvoline oil changes for me.
happy hunting
duck

[NoodleSalad]

If you don't have the permission to go fishing (I'm exempt-he-he)at least it keeps you away from the insanity for a while! -NS-

[Jeremy airjer W]

Valvoline Rapid Oil change or Jiffy Lube is the last place I'd bring any of my vehicles. I see way too many stripped drain plugs and/or oil pans. Oil filters over tightened (I had a valvoline filter on a car one time that was so tightthat when I finally pulled it off the threaded nipple came out of the block instead of the filter). Last but not least Lack of oil. Our shop gets 2-3 cars a year from local quick lubes with blown engines!

[This message has been edited by airjer (edited 02-04-2003).]