Deer Hunting jokes ...

[dwag70]

I will post one I just heard to get this started

What did the doe say when she walked out of the woods ?

That is the last time I do that for 2 bucks

[nimrod71]

Ole and Sven are out deer hunting in different parts of the woods, when Sven shoots and drops a deer in it's tracks. He waits a little while for Ole to show up but Ole never arives, so Sven proceeds to dress the deer.

When he finishes gutting the deer, and not seeing Ole, Sven takes the deer back to camp and then goes looking for Ole.

When he finds him, Ole is sound asleep, sitting on a log with his pants around his ankles, obviously falling asleep while answering the call of nature. So Sven decides to take the gut pile from his deer and put it behind the log under where Ole is sitting. And Sven goes back to camp.

After a few hours Ole comes walking back into camp holding his stomach and looking sick.

Sven asks, "Ole vhat's vrong you don't look so good."

Ole responds, "..by da grace of God and dat long stick back der I dink I got everyding back in place..."

[catmaster1557]

Deer hunting season is coming up...

Here are the secret diary entries from last years deer hunt.

1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.

2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.

3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.

3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.

3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.

3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.

4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.

4:30 am - Head into the woods.

6:05 am - See eight deer.

6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.

6:07 am - ''Click''.

6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.

8:00 am - Head back to camp.

9:00 am - Still looking for camp.

10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.

Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.

12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.

12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.

12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.

12:45 pm - Rescued.

12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.

3:00 pm - Arrived back in camp.

3:30 pm - leave camp to kill deer.

4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.

4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.

5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.

6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.

6:01 pm - Load gun.

6:02 pm - Fire gun.

6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck.

6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.

6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner.

6:07 pm - Fall into fire.

6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.

6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.

6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.

6:26 pm - Start walking.

6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.

6:35 pm - Meet bear.

6:36 pm - Take aim.

6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.

6:38 pm - Make mess in pants.

6:39 pm - Climb tree.

9:00 pm - Bear departs - wrap %&*$#@ gun around tree.

Midnight - Home at last.

Next day - Watch football game on TV while slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces - place in envelope and mail it to Game Warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.

The city fellow asked his friend the country boy to take him deer hunting, as he had never been hunting before. The country boy agreed to this, as long as the city fellow did EXACTLY what he was told to do.

The two men got their gear together and went into the woods. The country boy told the city fellow to sit down on a log that lay beside a deer trail, and that if he stayed quiet and waited, the deer would come right by him on the way to the creek, and he would be able to get a good shot. The country boy said that he was going to go on down the trail about a mile to another good spot, and he would be back to meet the city fellow later.

But a few hours later, the country boy heard all kinds of yelling and screaming as the city fellow came running down the trail!! "Well what's wrong with you?", he asked the city fellow. "Why didn't you stay where I told you to?"

The city fellow, still very excited, replied, "Well, when the bobcat came over and sharpened his claws on the log, I didn't move. When the bear came and sat on the other end of the log, I didn't move. But when the two squirrels came up, climbed into my lap and then one said to the other, 'Shall we take them with us or eat them here', well I just couldn't stand it any more!"

Simon and Clem took to the woods hunting one day. Unbeknownst to Simon,

Clem put on a deer suit, complete with antlers. Simon mistook him for a deer and shot him.

Simon took his wounded companion to the hospital. After filling out a few forms he waited. Finally, after several hours, the doctor came out of surgery with bleak news.

"There was a chance we could have saved him," the doctor said, "if only you hadn't gutted him too!"

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired of in twos for the day.

That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" asked the other fellows in the camp.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!

"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!

[sunkinboat]

Old one.

What is cheaper beer nuts or deer nuts?

Deer nuts because they are under a buck.