Joke of the day

[Dan Thiem]

Does anybody have a clean family rated joke? (I checked with Rick about this topic first)

Here is mine. How do you tell when a fisherman is lying?

(His lips are moving)

[Kylersk]

Did a quick search for fishing jokes and I found this one..

A woman goes into a shop to buy a rod and reel as a gift

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter where there's a shop assistant wearing dark shades. "Excuse me sir" she says "can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

The assistant replies "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's only $20.00".

The lady said, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The assistant rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

"Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

[colt44]

Why did Ron Artest leave the game early?

(He wanted to beat the crowd!)

[The_Duckslayer]

Sven was working at the fish plant in Minneapolis when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went directly to the emergency room.

The doctor looked at Sven and said "Let's have the fingers and I’ll see what I can do."

Sven said, "I haven't got da fingers.

"What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2004. We have microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Sven says, "How da hell vas I suppost to pick dem up???

N Joy the Hunt././Jimbo

[icehousebob]

A group of guys left deer camp, two heading in each direction. Toward evening, Joe came back to camp alone, dragging a 12 point buck. Every admired the buck until someone asked Joe,"Hey where's Charlie?" Joe answered," He was helping me drag the deer and he had a heart attack and died." They were all stunned, and someone asked Joe," Do you mean you just left him in the woods????" Joe answered, " This is a 12 point buck. I didn't think anyone would steal Charlie."

[HC Eye Hunter]

One day a man came home to his wife dressed in a very sexy nighty.

"Tie me up, "She purred" and you can do anything you want.

So, I tied her up and went fishing.

[Long Gray Line]

What do you call fish without eyes?

Fshhhhhhhh.

Sorry.

[icehousebob]

Farrrrr in the future.....A faithful Fishingminnesota follower died and was sent to FM heaven. He was met at the gate by St. Rick who showed him around. The main feature of FM heaven was a large frozen lake where all FMers, except IBOTs (they go somewhere else) were sitting on golden 5 gallon buckets with velvet cushions and ice fishing. In the middle of the fishermen was a guy who,when he walked by, everyone caught big fish. The new arrival was tougue tied and finally asked "St. Rick, is that KellyP? And St. Rick answered," No, thats God, He just thinks he's KellyP."

Rick and Kelly, I hope you take this as an attemp at humor.

[scottiecoach]

What did the walleye say when it swam into the cement wall?

Dam!

[Cooter]

What is the difference between a catfish and a girl from Iowa?

One has whiskers and smells and the other is a fish.

What is the difference between the Viqueens and Cheerios?

Cheerios were meant to be in a bowl.

[Jmnhunter]

very good fellas!

[icedog]

Here's one I read in a magazine recently:

A hawk, a mountain lion and a skunk were gathered in the forest one day arguing over who was the most important animal in the woods. Their arguing was so loud that it kept them from hearing the grizzly sneaking up on them. The bear grabbed them all up at once and ate them.....

Hawk

Lion

and

Stinker!!!!!!!!!

[icehousebob]

What's the difference between an Iowa barmaid and a hippo??

200 pounds and a moustache.

Why did they put astroturf on the football field at the U. Of Iowa??

To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during halftime.

What do they call a guy walking down the streets of DesMoines with a pig under each arm??

A pimp.

An Iowa farm girl was behind the barn with her boyfriend. She wispered to him that she wanted him to kiss her in a naughty place. So he got his daddy's pickup and drove her to Minnesota.

[abens1078]

A small Wild Animal Park in Iowa had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very "in the mood", and difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ole, a part-time worker, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.(U of M grad)

Ole, like most Minnesotans, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.

Ole was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?

Ole showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Ole announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her.

Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

"Well," said Ole, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."

that should make things even for a while

[cheesehead]

Why do all of the trees in Wisconsin lean towards the southeast?

Because Minnesota blows and Detroit and Chicago Suck...