Viking Fan Letter of Week

[JIvers]

I found this angry Viking fan letter on Bill Simmons' column at ESPN.com. Just thought I would print it here, as it pretty well sums my feelings up.

FRUSTRATED NFL FAN OF THE WEEK

As a Minnesota Vikings fan and a broke college student whose only means of income is sports gambling, I have a few thoughts regarding your Week 2 column:

1. Don't ever, EVER, bet on the Vikings when they are playing on the road. It doesn't matter whether they're playing at New England or the University of [stink]itude -- you'd be a total moron to do so. In fact, if the Viqueens are giving any less than 7 points on the road, take the home team.

2. If Mike Martz gets to surpass the maximum of a 10 on the Shaky Scale, then Tice should be a 15 by himself. This is a man who was our TIGHT END coach when he was promoted to take over the team. The only reason he has not been hacked up and stored in my freezer right now is because of strict punishments for crimes against the mentally handicapped. My buddies and I have already coined the phrase: "Ticey." Definition: Any person, place, thing, or action that exudes total and complete stupidity.

3. The problem with Culpepper is that he has to be told what to do. He is unable to read defenses and make changes at the line. This is why the Vikes should get an extra 10 points on the Shaky Scale for offensive coordinator Steve Loney (promoted from offensive line coach), who has been stuck with the "Chris Tucker Face" since he got the job.

4. You're totally right about the Bears being the NFC North champions. Minnesota will be at LEAST a one-point favorite in Chicago, and they NEVER win in Chicago. I already have that game marked on my calendar as "Pay Day."

5. Worst of all is the hot rumor in 'Sota on who our next head coach will be: Pete Carroll. I really hope you realize how good you have it right now. So why don't you go watch your Sox and Pats championship DVDs again. I hate you.

--Matt H***, Winona, Minn.