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mjhowe

A little humor!!

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This struck me as very funny, what with all the "my wife doesn't understand me" threads that show up here, enjoy!!


A senior citizen in Minnesota bought a brand new Mercedes convertible.
> > He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind
> blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.
> > > "This is great," he thought as he roared down the Interstate. He pushed the
> > pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror
> and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and
> siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man
> and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then
> 110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this
> kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for
> the trooper to catch up with him.
> > > The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
> > "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and
> today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that
> I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
> > > The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off
> > with a Minnesota state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her
> back."
> > > The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

------------------
Mike
Kalispell, MT
<<><<
"LOOK ALIVE, MAGGOT!"
(Not you Pal, I was talking to my bait)

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I recently read this one, in the "Roughneck" magazine, a monthly publication dedicated to the oilfields of northern Alberta.

Why can women not fart as well as men?

Because, they cannot stay quiet long enough to build up the required pressures!!!!

For what it is worth.

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My sister in law's favorite joke.

Why don't single women fart?

They don't have an a**h*l* yet.

She's married to my brother.

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Sorry, just can't pass it up!!!!!!!!!

Who else would your "sister-in-law" be married too??

ROFLMAO!!!!!!

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My favorite fishing joke...What did the Walleye say after swimming into a cement wall?......Dam!

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LaBrat, 2dalake's sister in law could have been his wife's sister. smile.gif

------------------
Good Luck & Good Fishing. Lucky

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Got this one from a friend the other day. It struck me a funny.

Just another day in Bozeman, Montana

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights. One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin' "

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What do you call the Number 1 fisherman in the world?

The master baiter.

just my 2ct's

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The Michigan Fish and Game wanted to develop a new fish for sportmen so they crossed a Coho Salmon with a Walleye.It was big and good tasting and they called it a Cowal. Then, to make it a world class fighting fish, they crossed the Cowal with a Musky. The result was a Cowalski, which they found out was too dumb to know how to swim.

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A Chinese man was fishing with a dimwit. The Chinese man made a long cast and hooked a beautiful 5# bass. The Chinese man stared the bass in the eyes for several minutes. After that time the bass's eyes became slanted. The dimwit said, "Wow! How did you do that?" The Chineses man said, "Mind over matter!" After several casts the dimwit hooked a big fish, a 5# carp. The Chinese man said, "Remember, mind over matter". The dimwit stared into the carp's eyes for several minutes, slowly the dimwits eyes became beady and his mouth started sucking air like a carp!.....PS; It's much funnier when doing the facial expressions with it.

------------------
http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

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The 3 Kowalski brothers were fishing in their boat as soon as a small patch of water opened up on the mostly frozen lake. Drunk as skunks, one brother fell in. After a few minutes old "Bobski" never surfaced. The remaining 2 brothers dove down searching for Bobski. One brother motioned to the other letting him know that he found the body. After dragging the lifeless body into the boat one brother said, "Maybe we should give him mouth to mouth?" Which they did. After a few moments the brother said, "Man, I don't remember bobski's breath smelling that bad!" The other brother then said, "Yeah, I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit either!" grin.gif

------------------
http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

[This message has been edited by can it be luck? (edited 02-23-2004).]

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Do You Know The Meaning of "Service"?
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."
"The act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard the terms:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City/County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Station
Forest Service

And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.
Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows.

SHAZAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

------------------
Tight Lines,

JP Z

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I was fishing over in South Dakota this last weekend and we decided to go to the bar for a few cocktails....

I had been there the night before with a buddy and we met quite few people, so when we showed up the next night with some other friends this lady (she was a bigger gal, and funnier than heck) we had met the night before came up to us and says, "hey, I gotta joke for you guys"... So we said, "alright lets have it" she says, earlier tonight I had to bring some of my guy friends over to MN, they were looking to get a #@$*job, but then we found out that all you MN c*cksu%$ers were over hear in the bar.... We about fell off our chairs laughing...

So, then my one-who-thinks-I-am-silly buddy says, I got a good one for ya... She says, "well lets have it" he says, how do you turn a fox into a cow? she says, I don't know, so he says, "ya marry her."
The whole table went dead quiet, my buddy was just roll'in at himself not realizeing that he offended her.. Finally, the light bulb turned on and he covered himself with a stupid knock knock joke.... Luckly, she didn't beat the [PoorWordUsage] out of us, because I think she could have...

Anyway, just another fun weekend fish'in..

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I just heard this one so I though I'd pass it along.

A wife complains to her husband about wanting a breast implant. He thinks about it for a second and says here's some toilet papper. Rub that on your breasts for a month and see what happens. She agrees. One month rolls by and she complains to her husband that her breasts aren't getting any bigger. He said, well, it worked on your arse!


Hey OOooooo!

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Now I know I'm bored. Here's a couple of jokes off the "Laffy Taffy" wrappers I'm eating....Q; What do you call a tick on the moon?........A; A "luna-tick"......Q; Why do seagulls fly by the sea?......A; Because if they flew by the bay they'd be "bagels".....Q; Why dont lobsters share?.....A; Because they are shellfish. grin.gif

------------------
http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

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       A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a
half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of
romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she
was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing
behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While
the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must
be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital
status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk
replied, "Cause you're ugly."

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You know why Janet Jackson didn't make it to the Grammy's........

She was pulled over for having a headlight out..

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blonde gal is driving down the road one day when she notices that there is a police car behind her with the lights on ..so she pulls over ..the officer get out of the car(she also is a blonde)she aproaches the car and ask`s the driver to give her ,her drivers licence..the driver replies well what does it look like ..the officer says it`s square and it has your picture on it ..the gal says oh I have one of those so she fumbles through her purse on pulls out a compact she opens it and sees her reflection in the mirror and says oh here it is and hands it to the officer ...the officer looks at it and says well why didn`t you just say your a police officer

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Did you hear that Michael Jackson recently funded a new school in Utah..."Bringumyoung University"?

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I actually think I saw this joke on this HSOforum quite a while back:

There is a farmer who raises chickens, and he has a lot of chickens, but no rooster to breed them with. So one day he goes down the road to his neighbors who is known for raising roosters and asks to buy one.
"Well", says the neighbor,"I have one rooster that would be perfect for you, but he is $2000.00, but he will mate with every one of your chickens in 10 minutes flat".
The farmer thinks about it for a while and says what the heck, "I'll take him".
So the farmer brings the rooster home, names him Kenny and gives him a little pep talk before he sets him loose in the coop.
"Now Kenny, I spent a lot of money on you and I don't want you to wear yourself out right away, so take your time and most of all, have some fun". With that, he pointed at the coop and Kenny took off in a full sprint and bam!, does his business with every chicken in the coop in 10 minutes. All of the sudden Kenny runs out of the coop and into the hayfield and starts chasing the geese around. After he does his business with the geese he runs down to the pond and starts goin at it with the ducks. By the end of the day he's chasing down pheasants out in the corn and the farmer says to himself "That dang bird isnt gonna make it through the night".
The next morning the farmer comes outside and there lies Kenny in the middle of the lawn, feet sticking straight up in the air, tounge hanging out of his mouth, and 4 or 5 buzzards circling above him. The farmer comes over and says "Goddam it Kenny, I told you to take it easy, now look at you, you're worthless, what a waste of money".
With that Kenny opens one eye and winks at the farmer and says "Shhh, they're getting closer".

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could someone delete my post in this thread this joke is not funny it`s disrespectful and to any person or persons this offended please except my appoligies----steve

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No Way!!!!!
That joke ROCKS!!!!!!!
I told my wife that one, she was roll'in, if she thought it was funny it must be OK...

I think someone must have found "the olde man's" username and password and is fordgeing his posts.... wink.gif It's OK we don't mind a good clean joke!!!!!!

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  • Your Responses - Share & Have Fun :)

    • Mmm mm Thanks!!!!!!!!
    • your package went in the mail today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • Figured I'd loop back on this with an update.  I ended up getting the Weber Spirit 3 burner.  Picked it up at Ace Hardware.  Its the same price everywhere ($449) but Ace will assemble it, deliver it, and haul away the old one for no charge.  Bought it Saturday morning had it sitting on the back patio by 3pm that same afternoon.   I ended up looking at a lot of grills including many brands of gas grills, pellet grills, and some charcoal grills.  There were some other gas grills that I liked, they looked to be made solidly from good materials and they came at a decent price.  However, they all lacked a decent warranty.  The webers use less stainless steel than some of the others and I'm not 100% sure what the china production will do to the quality and longevity of a Weber but they do come with the best warranty that I saw.  I believe grates and flavorizer bars have a 5 year warranty and everything else has a 10 year warranty.  Customer service and part availability was also a big selling point.  Weber parts look to be easily available and if you do end up having to replace the grate, flavorizer bars, and burners it will only set you back $150 which should get you many more years out of the grill.    I let my almost 3 year old son pick the color since he came with to help pick it out.  I couldn't argue with his choice of red.  It is clearly the fastest looking grill, now I just need to add a racing stripe. 
    • Saturday morning I was able to put my tag on a nice bird. If I did no get to put some scouting time in I would of moved too fast. I knew these bird was going to show up but he never made a peep on roost or the ground. I was able to call in the hens with him following. The hens yelped twice on the ground and that was it. Had other birds gobbling but I knew this guy was around. It was him with 3 Jakes and 3 hens that pretty much stayed by themselves and nothing to do with the larger group of birds. I was able to see him the Saturday before opener and trail cameras showing he was coming through around 720 each morning. I shot him at 7:15 plan worked out great. 20 Gauge is becoming my favorite gun for turkeys. He was just a couple oz’s shy of 24lbs. double beard 11inch, spurs 1inch. Some big birds dropping. My dads was 25lbs and Protourbait above 24. Might head back to NE this weekend see how the week goes. I have WI left for a couple tags.
    • I personally don't use hens often.  When I do she's in a breeding position near a strutting tom.  I usually go jakes of various postures or no decoys.  I like to keep them guessing where that hen is at.  I've had too many mature Tom's hang up, strut and gobble until the real hens show up to escort him away when using just hens.
    • What would be the reasoning behind just using hen\ hens decoys? To put the toms at ease? I usually use the standard hen / jake combo.
    • Nice!   Yep, that looks just the way I hope to find em!  Nada for me but maybe if I get some time in the turkey woods I’ll have some better luck.
    • That's one cut I need to do on the pellet smoker. Everything so far has turned out real moist and tender,  I'm guessing since the door seals up so tight. I prefer as well to slice that day, the leftovers can go in the crockpot for shredding.. I better go get one.
    • Num that looks awesome. Bet the carcass would boil up to make a mighty fine tasty soup too!
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