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Serious Question!!! Hunting/Fishing vs Wife


crappie jigga

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Jeez....I guess you got lots of diverse opinions and ideas. Good luck with your decison now. Here is what I can add. if your marriage is not perfect, don't even consider having any kids. My two girls 4 and 6 are the greatest thing that ever happend to me, but I have sacrificed a lot of hunting and fishing time to be with them instead. My wife works a 40 hour week just like me. I dated my wife for 5 years so she too saw my passion for the outdoor long before we got married. Of course, she said she would never get in the way of that. My wife plays softball a couple of nights a week and a few weekend tournaments a season. At that time, I am extremely tolerant and casually remind her that fall is near and as soon as her hobby is over, mine will be soon to follow. It gets us through it. It does help that I hunt and fish locally 75% of the time. I am still home at night to take them to dinner or a movie or maybe my wife will go out with the girls. Whatever it takes. I have also cut down on my ice fishing to one day a weekend as someone else mentioned above. I don't mind it. I like spending time with my girls just as much. My 6 year old went on a few ice fishing trips with me last winter and is ready and raring to do it again. Soon, they wil both be grown up and out of the house. I will have lots more years to hunt and fish then. If I choose to do my own thing now, it could cause a divorce and although I have not experienced a divorce with children involved, I have spoken to enough friends that say it would have been easier to work it out than it is to be divorced. Good luck!

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I guess I might as well chime in here too. Been married for 14 years, no kids. Go ice fishing every weekend to a place we own up by Mille Lacs. I leave on Friday afternoons and make sure I get back early afternoon on Sunday. That then becomes our day (after football season). Trust is probably the most important part of her agreeing to this.

My wife, like yours, doesn't really have any hobbies. But she doesn't rely on me to create them for her. I make sure that, because she doesn't make a stink about me going evey weekend, that we go on at least two trips a year to a destination of her choice. This year it'll be San Fran in April. I could care less about going there and would rather take that money and go on a fly in in Canada, but I won't complain.

The only way you will get what you want is if you can figure out what she wants, and give it to her with no strings attached. Like others have said, I'm not even close to being a counselor, but it's worked for me.

Good Luck.

Jim

[This message has been edited by Leaky (edited 12-18-2003).]

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A.marage.is.a."Keeper".type.deal.Eh.

So.work.to.be.partners.in.all.things..
or.the.marriage..eventually.will.suffer.

Talk.things,through..talk.talk.talk.talk.&.Talk.some.more...never.stop.communicating.

Schedules.change...jobs.change...seasons.change...but.a.good.relationship.can.last.forever.

This.advise.comes.from.a.man.(me)once.married.11.years..and.now.devorced.about,the.same.

My.X-Wife.Still.to.this.very.day..deeply.resents.how.much.time.I.spend.fishing..(and.I'm.now.a.Fishing.Guide)..even.from.long.distance.she.HATES.IT..so..Eh....Who.knows?

wink.gif


------------------
Ed "Backwater Eddy" Carlson

Backwater Guiding
"ED on the RED"
[email protected]
><,sUMo,>

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Hey Wastewater, Wooleybugger was hardly pushing his beliefs on anyone, merely offering suggestions as was requested. Good ones, too, at that. Too bad there has to be a self appointed pc policeman, I mean policeperson everywhere.

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Crappie.... I've been married 15 years 3 kids and have live in the Dog House for all 15 years! Your going to be in the dog house no matter what... SO EARN IT!! Hunt and fish!!!

------------------
lucky7

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Wow this is a good topic. I was engaged a couple years ago after 6 years of dating my girlfriend. She new my situation, which is hard enuff for most people to see straight. I am a professional trapper October thru almost April. Gone from 5 in the morning to dark 30 most nights.Driving 200 miles a day sometimes. Plus skinning and all the other stuff. Plus I fish and hunt, have a dog. Not much social time there. She also had no hobbies to speak of.

I was raised in an outdoor family. My unle was president of Ducks Unlimited and my other was the treasurer. I had been doing outdoors stuff since I was old enuff to be carried on my dads shoulders thru rice lakes duck hunting.

After putting it off and off I new I didn't want marraige. She was starting to get upset with no time for her, even though she liked to fish winter and summer sometimes but not like I did. Plus my friends are all hardcore outdoorsman. So knowing I did not want to change we went over are priorities we wanted and came to an agreement that it would be best to seperate.

We did still spend time together and went fishing. Tried to work through it etc. But in the end I told her this is not for you be happy live your life. We have not spoken much since. Except when she bought her bro a vexilar and she called about advice on them.

You need to make the decision best for you both. Make it fair but you need to be fair to yourself also. It may sound bad, but atleast theres no kids in your picture.

Good Luck,

Trapper

[This message has been edited by protrapper (edited 12-18-2003).]

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I have to again agree with Ed , nuff said it's a partner type thing. That is why my wife (ifish2) is my partner in the ICE series, unless she wants to sleep in at the hotel and I'm cool with it even though she is already paid, then I fish with anyone. or at my best? Lone ranger. Its all about trust ( I read this earlier but cant remember the name. good post though) if she knows that you are actually gunning fish and not women she is going to see things from a different angle. Once you convince her that you won't run away with a fish. They don't want to be left out thats all.
as for the ring thing? That is a bunch of hooey you should have discussed this before you got married when the ring is on remember this.
Around this house pa is the boss but what ma says goes.
That is what it is all about.
------------------
en puhu kala
(I speak fish)

[This message has been edited by frozenminnow (edited 12-18-2003).]

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Marrige is a two way street, no matter how many things change. She should be your first priority and you hers. I would suggest the following:
1. Get involved in a small bible based church. This will help with your relationship with God. This will also provide opportunities for relationship building amongst yourselves. Finally, there will be people for your wife to hang out with and eventually do things with. It will give her another focus besides you and her being jelous that you have all this fun time and she has none.
2. Offer her one weekend for just her. Go along with her and make her happy. Earn points durring the week as well.
3. Buy a portable shack, flasher and camera and insist that she come with you a couple of times in return for your going with her on her weekend. Make it fun for her.
4. Buy her her own shotgun and take her to the skeet/sporting clays on a regular basis. Hook her up with some other feemale shooters.

If all else fails, do it her way. You made the ultimate commitment when you got married.

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This is just my opinion but I think you answered your own question. If the pull to be fishing or hunting is more than the pull to be with her, I think you might want to rethink why you got married. I was pretty avid in fishing and hunting before I got married but when I met my wife I found that the pull was not as strong. Now that I have a new born child it is even less. I still like to get out , in fact it is even more exciting when I do. Now, I am not trying to tell you what to do, this was just my situation. As a big believer in instincts, I would like to think that if my instincts told me that I would rather have been fishing or hunting than being with my wife, I would have gone with that. Along with a big believer in instincts I also feel the same about marriage, just ask yourself what is more important to you? If you answer it truthfully I say go with your instincts.

Just my opinion, JegerJack.

------------------
"What did the old man trade for these guys, a used puck bag?"

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Our first date was fishing in my duck boat on Lake MInnatonka! I have been married for four years now. I am extreamly lucky! Lucky that my prior three marrages did not work. grin.gif
My wife reallizes that Hunting and fishing come first! That was, and is, a part of me, and who I am. If my current wife said "ME OR FISHING"? My ex-wifes could tell you the answer! smile.gif
My last ex-wife said to me, as I was leaving to go fishing, that she was not happy, and it was becouse of me that she was'nt. I told her that it was not my job to make sure she was happy! You will never be able to "MAKE" someone else happy. If you want to try, go ahead, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT! GOOD LUCK!
If you really love someone, would you want to hold them back from doing what they love????

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Compromise.

There are two days on the weekend, one for you and one for her.
Marriage IS a two way street, a partnership, nowhere does it say you must be subservient to her wishes. You may have to take a little heat onece in a while but you can't be someone you're not. You won't do her any good spending time with her when you secretly wish you were somewhere else.

A ZEN MASTER

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Wollyburger has some good points. The church thing helps a lot to pull things into focus.

I am lucky, as my wife like to hunt and fish, and we both grew up in a families that hunt and fishes.

I am away from home all week long for my job, and that cuts into the big weekend outings, even more now since we have a two year old daughter. I don't mind at all.

I still find time to get a early morning duck hunt in a few times, or maybe a couple hours of ice fishing, but the family stuff has to come first for us or all is lost.

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Well, my old girlfriend used to pull that same dump. She'd say stuff like you wouldnt give anything up for me. I always said it this way, its not that you're not important, but I can't have someone trying to ask me not to do something I love. I think thats what it boils down for me, i won't let a person change me for their reasons.Good luck

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Crappie Jigga, by all means your wife should take priority. My wife and I work alot and have the same schedule pretty much except she works Sat. and I don't so ice fishing works out good for me. You need to come to some kind of comprimise. Do something for her in return for her understanding your need for the outdoors. You certainly don't need to fish every weedend. Maybe spend more time home in the summer and less in the winter or vise versa. I agree with climbmda, a marriage takes three your wife, you and God. But talk too her and let her know what you think. I know a lot of times I forget to tell my wife what I think and expect her to figure out an agreement on her own which doesn't work. That is enough mushy advice, I think I am going to throw up.

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Hey crappie jigga, I noticed you have not responded to any of these posts. I assume you are just soaking it all in. Good move. Deep down only you know what is right for you. Good intentions from other people don't get you very far. You have a tough situation, work it out with yourself and then your wife. Happy Holidays to EVERYONE, tight lines, and good night.

A ZEN MASTER

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I can sympathize with you crappie jigga! I dated a gal for almost 4 years who I thought would be 'the one'. At first she was fine with my outdoorsman ways. She even helped me drag an 8 point out once! Then she finally exposed her true feelings. It took years but finally she couldn't handle my abscense fishing summers, hunting Sep-Dec and then ice fishing! Unfortunately, I had to practice catch & release on her.

So, I have been on the very traveled road in search of an outdoorswoman. I realize this is not a dating service and that is not the intention of my post. I really can appreciate the company of a good woman, but have spent years trying to find one that meshes well with my hobbies. I've dated women who say 'they fish' to find out they fished 14 yrs ago with their dad (aka suntanning).

It's tough, trust me. There are not that many true outdoorswomen out there so dating those who are not is work and involves plenty of compromises.

My life goal is to find one...out of fairness to myself and to her. Is this selfish on my part?

My brother married a gem. A deer hunter, fly fishing, camping, temptress. Talk about a catch...and happiness. It appears that many of the guys who have found such a woman appear very content in their posts. I just hope I don't grow to be the disgruntled old bachelor in a funeral home as one guy mentioned in his post!

I'd like to keep rambling....but I have to hit the 'Gals love to fish' link! Ha!

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HoleHopper- couldn't agree with you more on the "I'm not on this earth to make you happy" deal. Having been employed in the human business for quite a while, if anybody, man or women are making those comments to their spouse that they are responsible for the others happiness, guarenteed there is trouble ahead. Not to say that you should be a jerk/mean/irresponsible to your spouse but everyone is responsible for their OWN happiness...my 2 cents from the MCC Ice house (better known as the Male Crisis Center)

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Well I would like to thank everyone for their opinions everyone had some really good points to make..... I would just like to say that the refrence about religion was a good idea. She is a very religious person and it's very important to her.. I think it will help..... Also, there was a couple of posts about (telling her "this is how it's gonna be and thats final")Well, thats how all of my brothers and Dad feel, so thats all the advice i've gotten until now...... I don't think thats a good way to look at things (but, I'm not critisizeing you for thinking that way, I thought that way for alot of years, and I totally understand it).
I will never be bullied out of hunting or fishing, but I can be negotiated with.. She's one of the nicest people I have ever met(she has a BIG heart and she means well but, I think she feels ignored).. I don't want [PoorWordUsage] our marriage down my leg, but I'm not going to give up what I love to do... I think if I put some of this advice to work, everything should be good to go.. (I HOPE) I would like to say to the individual that misses his ex-wife and his kids, and has plenty of time to hunt and fish now, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, your post kinda hit me right between the eyes, and opened them alittle too..... When and if kids come, I'll have to reprioritize alittle but, I don't believe even then, I have to change completely...
I think the best advice I got was talk, talk, talk, negotiate, talk, talk, and talk more, women like that stuff, I think.....
Thanks everyone for all your advice!!!!!!!!

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A lot of good advice here.

I have friends in similiar circumstances, and before marriage there were agreements about hunting/fishing times wouldn't change, bla bla bla..you might as well throw that out the window cause things change fast!

Once children come into the picture, forget about it. A family will come first no matter what. I'll take that life on when the day comes.

I couldn't find a better partner in life. My wife of 3 years (6+years together) is the greatest. She never hunted or fished until she met me, and now she hunts ducks, deer and likes to fish.

Take your wife fishing sometime, give her your "go to lure" that never fails and put her on all your good spots and let her catch more fish than you. Bait her hook, do all the work to make her happy. It works for me. smile.gif

And then do something that she wants to do. Just don't complain about it. I try my best....

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My ex-girlfriend was beautiful, loveing, trusting, and she even inherited a beautiful boat! However she hated the time I spent fishing....I still miss that boat! grin.gif All my past relationships were complicated by my outdoor time. My present GF is big into fishing since I introduced her to it. Honestly, I would rather fish with her than anyone else. To see the joy on her face when she catches a fish is priceless! I do feel bad about one thing though. While ice fishing on Red lake last year, she caught the first northern after 2 days of fishing, she was VERY proud. It was her first northern, and the first one of the trip, around 34"s. Withen the next hour I caught 3 northerns. I placed her northern in the mouth of a 40" one that I caught and told her to look outside the shack, my fish was trying to eat hers! Her eyes welled up with tears, and she said how proud she was of her fish, and I took that away from her by makeing fun of it. I tryed to make it better by telling her it was a "blue" pike, very rare. It did have a hint of blue to it. Man, I still feel bad about it today. I better go buy her some flowers or a new jig pole before she gets home. If she asks, "Why the gifts?", I'll show her this thread.

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http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

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I stopped by this AM at a spearhouse on a lake I've been fishing at, just to see if they were having luck, etc. And, here's an old couple (70's) fishing side by side, sharing a 6'x2'spear hole.

Now that's what I call a soul mate. (they each had their own spear)

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This is what I do: when my alarm goes off at 4:30 AM before I go fishing I wake my wife up and tell her, either I get some nookie or I'm going out in the boat..99 times out of 100 she says "Don't forget the boat keys" Seriously, when I fish locally I try and do get out super early when she is still in bed. As far as the out of town trips, we have a system. For every weekend I am out of town with the boys, I need to take her somewhere for a weekend. Normally that means renting a cabin on a lake somewhere..so it's a win win situation.

Muskieguy.....

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Crappie Jigga-
Yeah, stuff seems to change after marriage. Especially after having 1 kid (and 1 on the way)!

Before my lady and I moved in together and got married, I seriously fished almost every night. It was nothing for my friends and I to fish until the weee hours of the night....every night! Now things are a bit different. Now, I find myself fishing in the morning and hanging out with the wife and kid in the evening or vise versa. That seems to work out for us on the weekends.

I still think about how things once were. A Pollock, Hollander, and Belgian all in the same boat... Those were the good old days...

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