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crappie jigga

Serious Question!!! Hunting/Fishing vs Wife

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I have a question, that i'm having a hard time ansewering myself, and could use some good advice..... My situation is this..
I have been hunting and fishing my entire life, and thats all I do. I love every second I am out there... I don't have any other hobbies it's all I do.... She has a screwy work schedul and so do I, we see each other for about 1 or 2 hours a night..... When the weekend comes, guess what I want to do (hunt,fish,not be at home) and guess what she wants to do thats right (be at home together)... Your starting to see my delima. She wants nothing to do with hunting or fishing, (which is fine) but she has NO hobbies at all, so she is board, and NOT happy.... I told her in the begining what to expect from me and to please not try to change me... It was all good then but guess what (NOT NOW) big shocker huh!!!! The reason I posted this on this site is because, well I'm pretty sure alot of you guys that are married probably ran into this situation yourself...... Did you though through it, surrender, give in, fight it head on, etc. ????????? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.... Oh, we've been married 2 years and no kids!! Thanks for any info.......

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Not an uncommon problem. I typically try to compromise and not spend every weekend out of town on a trip. I'm lucky in the sense that she's pretty cool about it all, as long as we have some "together" weekends.

I have a buddy who is in a similar situation. He literally goes up north every weekend during hunting season. He won't miss one for anything other than a wedding or funeral. This gets him into a fair amount of hot water. While I support the fact that he told her from day one that he hunts "every" weekend, I think that as he relationship has gotten more serious, he should probably bend a little and stay home occasionally.

Keep hunting and fishing. You were honest from the get go. Just make sure there is some compromise there.

Just my 2 cents

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While I am no marriage counselor, I have been married for 4 years and also have a 6 month old son, so I know your situation. My wife is like yours, very few hobbies with no interest in mine. I have tried my darndest to involve her in something, she said she would like stainded glass, so I bought her a stained glass kit. Guess what, two years later the thing is still in the box, along with the 90 bucks that I wasted on the 6 session class. Having a wife that doesn't have her own "things" can make life difficult for an outdoorsman. The only word I can throw out is compromise, compromise, compromise. Instead of making every trip a weekend deal, I will only go for a day, I limit my trips to only ones that are important to me. I do pass on a lot of trips that I would love to take, but like people have mentioned here already you have to decide what is important, your wifes feeling s or your time in the woods. You should be thankful that you have a wife that wants you around, I know plenty of guys that just go and do what they want, only to come home to an unhappy spouse. I would try to make a concerted effort to cut back on the overnight trips, go hunting for the day and come back and take her to dinner. Take her on a vacation to the north shore with another couple, while the girls hit all the shops one day you guys can charter a boat on Superior. Where theres a will theres a way and sometimses you have to trade the rod and reel for a night watching lifetime. The two hours of agony that you may feel will go a long ways the next time you want to break out the shotgun....
good luck.
Setterguy

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I think everyone has to find something that works in their situation. I've been married for four years and have two kids and I can tell you that it isn't going to get any easier if you don't make up your mind that you're going to lose some of your fishing/hunting time.

I worked in nursing homes through high school and college and I met a lot of life long bachelors and for the most part, they are not a real happy lot. I think that the hard work and sacrifice takes many many years to pay off, but it's well worth it when you look at the big picture. And if you can take pleasure in the simplier, day to day things, you might find that it pays off all the time.

Who knows - maybe you can learn to like some of the things she does.

(No offense to the bachelors out there, there are some very very happy ones.)

[This message has been edited by Ishmel (edited 12-18-2003).]

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Not to start a controversy here, but I think you guys ought to leave the God references out of this topic until the topic starter tells you if he even believes. This is not a place to promote Christianity. Unfortunately, marriage and christianity do not go hand in hand in todays society and this isn't the place to push your beliefs on someone.

In any event, you need to follow YOUR beliefs. At this point you only have your wife and your beliefs to consider. If and when you have children, this becomes a much more difficult situation.

My wife hates to fish and won't hunt even if starving. I have two daughters(5 and 3) who are two of my favorite fishing buddies. My wife and I both work and only see eachother for an hour or two each day during the week.......

But, I have more time than most to fish, hunt, play volleyball, softball, etc.

Why, because my wife and I are independent!!!

I made sure BEFORE I got married that my wife would be comfortable having her own activities, her own friends, her own freetime, etc., etc.

If your wife is dependent on you for her entertainment, than you need to provide it. Regardless of your religious background, marriage is a lifetime promise!! You made the bed.....and you have to lay in it.

Hopefully you can get your wife involved in your activities and maybe you should participate in more things she likes. If not, your marriage is going to be spent stewing over how your wife is the reason your miserable. Remember, you made her number one when you put that ring on her finger.

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It's a quite a conundrum, but you need to work it out. Wanting to change people later in marriage is a common problem. But it usually doesn't work. Both people must compromise, but not necessarily change. People here have shown great advice (as always!). Perhaps you need to see a counselor. Not so much to change someone, but to be a mediator or sounding board. Church was a good idea too. Hope it works out for you.

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Crappy Jigga, Bro I feel for ya, Me and my wife of 16 years and 3 kids had the same discussion before we got together and the way I have survived is compromise and knowing when to pick your battles. I do LOTS of fishing and hunting and pretty much to my hearts content but I pick my times/battles and your not going to win every one. I haven't missed anybodys birthdays, family events, weddings etc and that seems to keep her happy. Good Luck!

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I have been married for 26 tears opps ( years) I can hunt , fish ect almost anytime I want and it has always been this way. My wife would rather have it this way rather than being a bar fly or skirt chaser. At 1st she thought we should spend every waking moment together but she soon realized she also needed freetime , just keep working on it and soon this will be the worse part of a realtionship that turned out good. for you other men remember this,,,, if you need a new gun , rod or boat,, it only takes 4 hours explainig but 3 months justifying.. if you need or want it just bring it home... lolMacho has spoken

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Reading this, I can't help but feel pretty lucky. While my wife of almost three years doesn't hunt/fish, she grew up with three brothers who did. She knows how it goes...

We also dated for five years before getting married. That's five fishing seasons, five football seasons, etc. She know very well what she was getting. She also has her own array of hobbies.

It was mentioned above...the weekend has two days. One for 'you', and one for 'together'. If you are going to be gone hunting/fishing for a whole weekend, then set aside another weekend for 'together with the wife'.

Compromise, compromise, compromise. You have to, but so does she.

After re-reading your post, I noticed the reference to 'screwy work schedules' that prevent you from being together during the week. It may seem drastic (and it probably is), but a change of job or hours for either/both of you to afford more time together during the week could help a lot. Out to eat or a rented movie together a night or two during the week could be a big part of a solution...

Just some thoughts...I'm not qualified to be a marriage counselor. Just tryin' to help.

[This message has been edited by Jarrod32 (edited 12-18-2003).]

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You've already received alot of good advice but I'll tell you what I did, keep in mind I'm not married but I've been with the same woman for 8 years.

She didn't have much interest in fishing or hunting, (she didn't like the thought of killing something) I always got dump when I wanted to go every weekend. So I asked her if she would be interested in going up north to a cabin for a week, her response was "No Way all I will get to do is sit in the cabin while you fish". So I convinced her that wouldn't be the case, let's give it a try. We rented a cabin on Leech for a week and on the first day when we got up I asked what she wanted to do for the day, she got to pick, so we went to town shopping, went out to lunch, stopped at the casino and went out to dinner. She had a very good time and appreciated that I took the time to do what she wanted to do. Day two I asked if she wanted to go out in the boat for a while, it was a nice day and she agreed, keep in mind she had NO interest in fishing. Anyway she brought a book and read while I fished, it just so happened that I got on a good bite and was catching fish left and right. She decided, on her own, to give it a try and guess what, she hooked a 5# walleye, then a couple of smaller ones then a 15# northern, she is now hooked and wants to go all the time.

As for hunting she still won't go but she dicovered she likes target shooting with rifles and handguns and she also likes to shoot trap, you have no idea how much better our relationship has gotten, now when we go fishing she makes sure she packs a big lunch cooler because I can't get her off the water, as long as the weather is nice and the fish are biting.

Ole

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You two need to sit down and talk. You and your wife have competing priorities. The only way to resolve these issues are for you to spell out for her what will make you happy and for her to do the same. Then when you both have a clear idea of what is causing the friction you can start finding a solution. Talking things out and then both partners showing compromise is the only way to have a long harmonious relationship.

My wife and I have been at the marriage game for over 30 years and I can't begin to tell you all the changes that have occurred during our relationship. We’ve had to deal with loss of jobs, failure of two businesses, death, relocation, raising teenagers, etc, etc. One constant has been that we have spent a lot of time sitting at the dining room talking things out.

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Crappie jigga:

Alright, here's something from an unmarried 54-year-old guy who loves to hunt & fish 12 months a year, and who likes women, but hates whiners & bullies (women can be both, too). If this is a little too real for some of you, I understand:

1) Keep practicing birth control for at least another three years.
2) Tell your wife to quit whining to her friends and relatives about how badly you treat her. They sympathize because they care about her, and you, sir, are totally screwed.
3) Tell your wife to quit listening to her friends & relatives. Their expectations for their spouses (which extend to you, too) were born in fairy tales.
4) For every great marriage, there are 99 bad to tolerable ones.

Unless there is a real payoff or two in your marriage that you don't mention in your message, it doesn't look good pal.

Sign me,

Scrooge

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Wastewater, I realize that you aren't trying to start a debate and I am not attacking you here but he asked for advice and Wooly gave him HIS advice, what works for him and his wife. Whether or not he takes the advice is up to him. I am very lucky to have a wife that enjoys me being happy and unfortunately her 'hobby' is shopping when I am away so it usually costs me more to go fishing, but it is worth it!! I like to compromise when the bite is slow, when the fish are hitting or the rut is on I dread the Credit Card bills!!

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Crappie Jigga,

I think this is an age old question but also one we all have to find a solution to as we get older and co-habitate. My wife loves to fish now and although she does not hunt really she gets a charge out of seeing "her" dog work in the field or water. We fish together when we can and I am more than an avid hunter.

If you got married during hunting season not good. You will need to be home for anniversaries.

If you have kids think of that too.

You will have to give somewhere and if you can make it for an "opener" and a couple of other times during the season and still be around when she has free time all the better. Every weekend at home or away can be much for anyone. If you give a little you will get a little support from the better half.

This will be your greatest supporter over time and the one who gets you out off all your jams and mistakes. She will take you to the hospital to get stiched up when you do dumb things.

I cannot say I would give it up completely but if you do not compromise you will not be a very happy man. The fish and game will ALWAYS be out there and in time you will figure out a system that gets you out a little and still maintain a good home life. Good luck with this.

There is only one wife. A happy one is even better.

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I recently got married and my wife started in on not being with her enough. She said she did not like being alone, and she also has no hobbies. So I bought her a puppy. This really seemed to help, I think. Sometimes I think she would rather spend time with the puppy then me.

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I have almost been married for a year now and one thing that I have learned is that you can never change someone the way that you want them to be. If you married her then you need to except her for who she is. My wife knows that in the fall I hunt and in the summer/winter I fish. Things to remember are that most of the time hunting you can be back before she is even out of bed.
Fishing is the same way. Just go for a few hours at a time so it doesn't seem like you are always gone. But....make sure that you are getting the things around the house done that she wants.
Even though I have only been married for going on one year I have been with my wife for over 3. Every year after hunting season I take her on a 3-4 day trip up to the north shore and relax in a hot tub with her with a bootle of wine. Yes you would rather be drinking beer and fishing with the boys but it is doing things like this for her that allow you to go fishing/hunting all the time.

[This message has been edited by duckbill (edited 12-18-2003).]

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Just like fishing...CPR...catch, photo, release.

Life is too short to spend with someone like that. Throw her back, rebait, keep fishing till you get a keeper.

Polar Bear

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My wife didnt really care for ice fishing until I took her to Red last year after she caught 11 slabs in 1 hour and now she likes to go, but she allows me time with the guys as long as we get out together. 1 day with the guys and 1 day with the Mrs. that still gets me out 2 days a week on average.

1. Think about all of the things she "Has" to do while you are out fishing, dishes laundry cooking etc & do some of it prior to going out. She may even tell you to go.

2. Don't just go fishing and come home half in the mit and pass out! Be prepared to insted take her out to dinner if no fish or a good fresh fish fry and you do it all. Or if she is with you stop at a nice country restaurant for a lunch or dinner.

3. When you do take your wife out, be serious about the sport and show her not only how to fish but show her your love for fishing as well as her and remember patience! patience! patience! The more you show the more she will go.

4.Take her to a lake that produces fish on a regular basis and that you know how to fish well.

5 Keep it active for her Fact is? Women are like taking kids fishing if they are doing good they are happy but if its slow they wanna go home. If its slow stay on the move this also proves that you are serious fishing and not just sitting on the ice getting drunk.

6.Show her the beauty of being out there. We sometimes go for rides on country roads after and look at the scenery if the bite is really slow in the afternoon.

7. Dont forget to tell her how much you love the fact that she is out with you and how much you love her for it.


------------------
en puhu kala
(I speak fish)

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NICE.. Polar. I've been waiting for someone to say (write) it.---Oh come on you all know we were thinking it. Anyway...

It's a no-brainer. Decide what's most important to you and take the steps necessary to make it happen--whether that be having a successful marriage or spending more time hunting and fishing. That's all...

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I was married twice before. My priorities weren't straight (hindsight is so nice). Now I am single and lonely for my last ex and the kids. Lot's of time for fishing and hunting now, but it doesn't interest me as much as it used to. Keep your wife happy, if your both reasonable, it will work out fine.

------------------
Erik

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I'd have to agree with polar bear. If that's the way it was before you got married, a ring shouldn't be the reason you have to change. Sure there is always a compromise that comes up, you'll have to deal with them. 13 years and 2 kids later for me. Most of the time now she says "it's about time for another trip up north for ya ain't it!" She gets her time and I get mine.

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If you didn't want to spend time with her you should have hired a maid instead of getting married.

If you want to live well in this world you need balance on every level of your life. You want your wife to give you some free time, give her some of your free time.

I am lucky my wife likes to fish and do other outdoor things, maybe not as much as I do, but enough that we can do some outdoor things together. That and she is understanding about the times when I want to go with the guys. I also spend time doing some of the things she likes to do with here. Balance is that answer grin.gif

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