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Sandmannd

You Might Be A Conservative if...

3 posts in this topic

Just for equal opertunity, I thought I would post this. Got it from a friend today.

You Might Be A Conservative if...

* You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

* You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two."

* You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

* You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

* You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

* You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

* You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

* The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

* You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

* You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

* You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

* You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

* You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of ****."

* You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

* You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

* You answer to "The Man."

* You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

* You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

* You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

* You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...

* You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

* You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

* When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

* You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

* You think Birkenstok was that radical rock concert in 1969.

* You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

* Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

* You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

* You've ever said "civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties."

* You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

* You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying **** " while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

* You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

* You've ever called education a luxury.

* You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

* You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

* You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

* You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

* You're afraid of the "liberal media."

* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

* You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

* You think all artists are gay.

* You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

* You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

* You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

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Ok that was a waste of time/space. One thing we all can agree on - STUPID!

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