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Swill

You Might be a Liberal if...............

14 posts in this topic

Funny Stuff----so many are so true.......

TOWNHALL - With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if…

* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.

* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.

* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.

* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.

* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."

* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.

* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.

* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.

* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative Action.

* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.

* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the National Guard, but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the military and probably couldn't find either country on a map without help.

* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.

* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.

* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with…drumroll, please…more government intervention.

* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.

* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.

* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.

* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.

* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.

* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.

* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.

* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.

* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an American.

* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school

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Ya might be a Jeff Foxworthy:

If you should have retired your act about 5 years ago grin.

I could go on and on.

It may be the best joke in the world, but for when you hang a Foxworthy tag on it sick

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You might be Republican

If you were retarded enough to vote for G. Bush

Two times in a Row.....LMAO....

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You might be Republican

If you were retarded enough to vote for G. Bush

Two times in a Row.....LMAO....

Compared to what the Dems had to offer up.......

I'll be changing my nickname to either Rainman or I am Sam.

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Looks like the list struck a little too close to home for someone.

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And you could turn more than a few of those around and make just as much fun of republicans, too.

Let's try a few:

You might be a republican if…

You have no problem with the right of the people to own guns, but think the government should peek down everyone’s pants to see who they can and cannot get married to.

You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the ACLU than the Religious Right.

You want to string Osama Bin Laden up without any semblance of due process, but are willing to give George Bush a pass for condoning torture.

You think censorship is just fine; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

You get infuriated when you hear an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer makes tens of millions of dollars, but say it is just the market when the CEO of a Fortune 500 company makes the same.

Just as easy to make fun of either party. Actually, liberals are a bit more fun to make fun of...contrary to what many people think, they tend to be much less tolerant when you poke fun at their 'sacred cows'.

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And you could turn more than a few of those around and make just as much fun of republicans, too.

Let's try a few:

You might be a republican if…

You have no problem with the right of the people to own guns, but think the government should peek down everyone’s pants to see who they can and cannot get married to.

You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the ACLU than the Religious Right.

You want to string Osama Bin Laden up without any semblance of due process, but are willing to give George Bush a pass for condoning torture.

You think censorship is just fine; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

You get infuriated when you hear an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer makes tens of millions of dollars, but say it is just the market when the CEO of a Fortune 500 company makes the same.

Just as easy to make fun of either party. Actually, liberals are a bit more fun to make fun of...contrary to what many people think, they tend to be much less tolerant when you poke fun at their 'sacred cows'.

Streeeetch.....

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And you could turn more than a few of those around and make just as much fun of republicans, too.

Let's try a few:

You might be a republican if…

You have no problem with the right of the people to own guns, but think the government should peek down everyone’s pants to see who they can and cannot get married to.

You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the ACLU than the Religious Right.

You want to string Osama Bin Laden up without any semblance of due process, but are willing to give George Bush a pass for condoning torture.

You think censorship is just fine; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

You get infuriated when you hear an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer makes tens of millions of dollars, but say it is just the market when the CEO of a Fortune 500 company makes the same.

Just as easy to make fun of either party. Actually, liberals are a bit more fun to make fun of...contrary to what many people think, they tend to be much less tolerant when you poke fun at their 'sacred cows'.

OH, BUUUURRRNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

lol

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Don't worry, I'm sure the Republican version will come out as the the convention starts up.

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You might be a conservative if you still get a kick out 999th verion of "you might be a liberal if".

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Originally Posted By: MUSKYMAN1011
You might be Republican

If you were retarded enough to vote for G. Bush

Two times in a Row.....LMAO....

Compared to what the Dems had to offer up.......

I'll be changing my nickname to either Rainman or I am Sam.

grin True dat my friend.

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