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bucketmouth64

last support payment

36 posts in this topic

Today I wrote my last check to pay child support. After ten years it is finally done. To all those fathers out there paying faithfully you would not believe the feeling. It will come to you one day. I have a vacation in September and I am not sure what to do or where to go. Been thinking about heading up North somewhere and stay at a resort for a few days and just kick back and do some fishing. What am I to do with the extra money? Don't worry I have plans...no I won't be going out to buy a better fishing boat. Although the thought has crossed my mind wink. Going to start paying down debt that has accumulated over the years. Now I can go out and buy groceries, gas, and stuff like that and not wonder how I am going to pay for it. No more living check to check. Well, that could change anytime too if I lose my job. But I won't worry about that at this time. For now I am just tickeled sending in my last payment.

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bucketmouth, after 15 years (three kids), my youngest just turned 18 in June, and it was a fine feeling to put that last check in the mail. Knowing I'd be saving all those hundreds of dollars a month was one of the things that gave me the courage to dump the 9-5 and do photography full time.

I'd gotten behind once or twice over the years but always caught up, knowing it was my kids at the other end of the finance line. I remember when I got divorced and did the math and realized I'd be paying that king's ransom until I was 46 YEARS OLD! And here I am, 46. gringrin

Congrats to you, man, and to all others who conscientiously pay their child support!

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Congrats man! I am jealous. I still have another 7 years cry

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After 17 1/2 years and $174K I know the feeling writing out that last payment check ,,,My hats off to you and the whole fraternity of those that supported their kids ,,,Good Job!!!!

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That's great news for you. It's awesome to hear of all you guys that support your children without question.

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O.K. Here ya go...

A Big PAT on The BACK for taking care of your kids.

I always find it interesting when people brag about making their last child support "Payment". Like, Sending money to the woman(typically) who gave birth to your children and is/was taking care of them, was some type of burden. I know.... every situation is different and I respect that. But come on dude, Bragging that your done "Paying" for your children. And then people congratulating you.... sick And yes, I know All about child support and the problems involved with the courts/system. And to the youngins' out there, If you dont want to "pay" your hard earned money for a bunch of kids, use birth control. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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O.K. Here ya go...

A Big PAT on The BACK for taking care of your kids.

I always find it interesting when people brag about making their last child support "Payment". Like, Sending money to the woman(typically) who gave birth to your children and is/was taking care of them, was some type of burden. I know.... every situation is different and I respect that. But come on dude, Bragging that your done "Paying" for your children. And then people congratulating you.... sick And yes, I know All about child support and the problems involved with the courts/system. And to the youngins' out there, If you dont want to "pay" your hard earned money for a bunch of kids, use birth control. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Interesting that you termed the OP's post "bragging." I saw it as a father who did what he needed to do for a long time and was celebrating the fact that he was out from under the label of "perpetrator" that most state child support agencies inevitably put on us. And I, having just been freed from the same perp walk, felt fellowship over common ground, and felt like spreading the good feelings, which you interpreted as spreading manure. After all, most fathers paying child support realize their responsibility to their children isn't gaged by money, nor does that responsibility end when the courts say the child support obligation ends.

But for every situation that gets described on these boards, there are as many different interpretations as there are individual people, so it's all good. gringrin

And that birth control advice is excellent advice. With billions of us running around already, how many more do we need?

But, BID2, how do those piety pills you've been taking taste? gringrin

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There is an old story about a man who wrote out his last check to his ex-wife and had his child hand deliver it. He told his son to tell his 'ex' to enjoy it because "it's the last money you're gettin'".

So the kid takes the check to the mother and relays the message his dad told him to say.

After hearing the story the ex-wife has a big grin on her face and then tells the kid to go back and tell the ex-husband "I'm not your son".

grin

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There is an old story about a man who wrote out his last check to his ex-wife and had his child hand deliver it. He told his son to tell his 'ex' to enjoy it because "it's the last money you're gettin'".

So the kid takes the check to the mother and relays the message his dad told him to say.

After hearing the story the ex-wife has a big grin on her face and then tells the kid to go back and tell the ex-husband "I'm not your son".

grin

Funny story! gringrin

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catfish, I'm only a couple of years behind you. I work two jobs and I don't think I'll be giving up the part time one just yet. I see you live in Ely. I'll be up there this weekend moving my son back for college.

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Cool, bucketmouth. Your boy is going to love it up here if he loves the outdoors. A ton of folks who attend VCC do it so they can be right next to God's country while getting an education. grin

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Originally Posted By: BID2
O.K. Here ya go...

A Big PAT on The BACK for taking care of your kids.

I always find it interesting when people brag about making their last child support "Payment". Like, Sending money to the woman(typically) who gave birth to your children and is/was taking care of them, was some type of burden. I know.... every situation is different and I respect that. But come on dude, Bragging that your done "Paying" for your children. And then people congratulating you.... sick And yes, I know All about child support and the problems involved with the courts/system. And to the youngins' out there, If you dont want to "pay" your hard earned money for a bunch of kids, use birth control. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, BID2, how do those piety pills you've been taking taste? gringrin

They dont taste that good and Im no longer allowed to operate heavy machinery. There is one side affect that can last up to 4 hours that I do kinda like crazylaugh

Im sure bucketmouth is a good father. Talking about your last child support payment dosent make any one a bad father or a bad guy. I just think its a little tacky. My dad whom I Iove more than anything, bragged a little when he was done and I never really cared for it. He did have a lot of extra money though... whistle

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Hmmm, I just had a conversation last month with my youngest daughter after I'd made my last child support payment and she thought it was cool I didn't have to be part of the system any longer. She didn't think my relief was tacky at all. Different people, different interpretations.

Then she hit me up for a loan! gringringrin

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BM64,

Congrates dude and have some fun!

I am still married and things are still going great after 8 years of marriage and 13 years being together. But the way things go sometimes, you never know. Next week I could be watching my wife load up the car with an African American male midget grin.

What do you do?

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This will be his second year. He does like it there. He never has been thru a colder winter like last year. He shot his first deer there last hunting season. My son thought that it was cool that support was ending this month. He knows I hope he never becomes part of the system.

catfishh, if you want we could meet and get a brew or something. I won't be leaving until Sunday. My email is bassinguy64@yahoo.com.

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Next week I could be watching my wife load up the car with an African American male midget grin.

He doesn't drive a limo does he? laugh

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It is not about paying for your children. Once the monkey is off your back you have some say into where money goes. It is a huge relief. When my boys were young I just don't think they appreciated their trips to Hawaii, Mexico, and Europe as much as their mom did(but I don't know that for sure). I am glad they were able to experience those things. I never did and do not regret it. Looking back she did a good job with them. I think I did also. We were on a different budget but it all worked out. The pressure is off. The last check is a big deal!!

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One thing that often seems to get overlooked is what the non-custodial parent misses out on. Everyone focuses on the money and the poor guy that has to pay but along with that check goes missed opportunities that the custodial parent seems to forget about. It sucks and it is just the way it is. No matter how perfect a non-custodial parent you are, you will miss out on a lot. Been there, done that. I'm not whining just pointing out some unfortunate facts.

Add to that the misfortune of not living near by. Sorry folks, you can't always live next door. When you live a fair distance away it becomes nearly impossible to maintain daily influence. As a parent you still want or even crave the parental nurturing that you are missing out on. Weekend visits just don't completely cut it. This is what I went through and my son, who is now 25, and I are finally beginning to work toward a relationship again. It is and I'm sure will be a slow process but it's a start and it's been a long time coming.

It's this feeling of being left out that in its own weird way justifies a celebration when you finally pay that last check. It's like you can finally put a bad chapter in your life behind you and start to move forward. At least this is how I felt.

So yes, congratulations!

Bob

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Good thoughts, Bob. My daughters lived in Colorado for most of the time I've lived in Minnesota, and I never had the money to travel back and forth.

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ddsbyday, you are so right about how the money gets used. I had my reservations about how the money was being used, but I couldn't do anything about it. Now I can help them out when I can and know it will be put to good use.

BobT, you are right too about the time missed as they were growing up. Unfortunately, my time with my kids was very limited because they moved out of state. Parenting by phone really doesn't work. During visitations I found myself wondering am I a dad or a recreation director. Visits were treated as just that. They were here to have fun so most summers I planned trips around the state staying at different resorts. Time to be a parent? Well, there was not much time to do that. Two months go by pretty quick. I tried to be an influence during the short visits. Now that both are going to college hopefully I can be more open with them as well as they can be with me.

I am glad our legislature is trying to make changes to the custody law so fathers have more time with kids and the support is more equitable. Statute is way overdue for an overhaul (I believe it was created in the 60/70's) and I believe politicians finally are hearing from non-custodial parents. There still needs to be changes and what has changed in the past year or two are steps in the right direction. I was fortunate to be affected positively with some of the new changes, but future non-custodial parents (typically fathers) will benefit more by hopefully having more time with their kids and having a better chance to gain custody.

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I am fortunate that I live very close by my ex. Our son is two and he is the highlight of my day. I pay what I believe is an overly abundant ammount of money each month, but don't have the cash to go to court to fix things. There currently is no parenting time order so the court sees it as her having him 100% of the time, even though I have him Friday afternoon to Monday morning and usually one other night a week. They based the support payment on this, so technically she should be providing basic needs things for me on the weekends as I am already paying for her to buy them. Unfortunately that doesn't happen and I almost feel trapped. It is a constant struggle and I am very deep in debt, but my boy is everything to me and I will continue to pay my support. Not because I have to, but because I want him to not miss out on anything and have the things he needs, and a few of the things he wants.

What chaps my hide though is when I get a call from the ex telling me she can't afford diapers, even though that is less than 10% of the money she gets from me each month. There is a lot more to it, but I don't want to get into any details.

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I hear you, Tom.

Dealing with exes can be tough. I've had two to deal with (son with one and two daughters with the other). After trying to influence the upbringing the children were getting in their mothers' households, with absolutely no success, by the way, I just gave that up and worked hard to provide the kind of upbringing I thought they should have when they were with me.

That was hard in my situation, because like bucketmouth it was more a vacation thing. In your case, you get your boy a whole lot of the time, and there's no doubt he'll grow up knowing, loving and being influenced by his dad.

Hang in there, Tom, and enjoy the good times. He'll be grown up before you know it. I look at my son in law school in Baltimore, my oldest daughter who already owns her own home in the Twin Cities and my youngest daughter about to start working her way through college.

And I wonder where my 20s and 30s went.

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I hear you, Tom.

Dealing with exes can be tough. I've had two to deal with (son with one and two daughters with the other). After trying to influence the upbringing the children were getting in their mothers' households, with absolutely no success, by the way, I just gave that up and worked hard to provide the kind of upbringing I thought they should have when they were with me.

That was hard in my situation, because like bucketmouth it was more a vacation thing. In your case, you get your boy a whole lot of the time, and there's no doubt he'll grow up knowing, loving and being influenced by his dad.

Hang in there, Tom, and enjoy the good times. He'll be grown up before you know it.

I dont envy you guys. a bud of mine has to pay child support and as much as i agree with the concept, he seems to be paying a heck of a lot more for his kids than when he was married. i have been married to my college sweetheart for who knows how long and my kids are growing up. i am too lazy to get divorced. I dont think there is a great demand by the ladies for a 40ish something guy with graying hair and baggage. plus, i dreaded any child support payments

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Tom, I really understand the frustrations you are having. I too thought, and many of my friends did too, that I really overpaid. The highest I had to pay was $956, then my oldest was emancipated and it dropped by a third. I thought they should've been getting anything they needed and then some. When I asked my ex where the money all goes that was not the right question to ask. Don't want to get into that either. Check with your case worker to see if you could get some relief with the new laws. Her income is now taken into the calculations. You might have to fill out some court papers to petition the changes, but do your homework and consult an attorney to see if it would be cost effective. You don't have to use an attorney to do this all the time. Just get some advice and see if they can get you pointed in the right direction. I consulted with a lawyer about 3 times with each visit costing about $30. You can also find the statute in the library. And you can go online and do child support calculations. I think you can google minnesota child support calculator.

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