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Neighbor_guy

Wish me luck....

33 posts in this topic

I have my (hopefully) last mediation meeting to try to determine custody of my little girl monday. This has been better than a year and a half issue and I am trying to keep it from taking another 9 months. I realize that as her father I am already a half a step behind, but I really hope we can settle on an agreement we are both a little unhappy about as upposed to subjecting a 4 year old to a custody study.

Without going too indepth with who did what, I have been the primary care giver/parent since before we separated and now "supper mom" wants that to change. I just hope I can convince the mediator and everyone else that matters that I can continue to have the best interests of my child in mind.

I dont know, I'm just rambling... Please keep me in your thoughts tomarrow, I need all the suport, spoken or not, that I can get.

Anyone else going threw this, I feel your pain. I wouldn't wish this on any parent.

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Those are never any fun and no one ever wins. I'm wishing the best for you. I couldn't imagine not seeing my little girl every day. I hope you can reach an agreement where you both get to spend time with her. Good luck tomorrow.

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I'm going thru the exactly same thing here! But only I'm the mom....:-) My mediation coming up in 9 days and counting.... and I'm trying to get him to agree to allow me to move the kids out of state into the same state that HE lives and where my family lives in. Right now he wants me to give up the custody of my boys and allow him to be the primary caregiver.....Ohhh I could just go on and on but its not worth it. but Bottom line is good luck to you!!! Hope it all works out!

Hang in there!!!!!!!

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As someone who has been through this I could go on and on but if I have one piece of advise it would be to not make this as I get my daughter or I don't situation. She is and always will be your little girl. The most important thing you can do no matter how things go tomorrow is to keep a respectful relationship with your daughters mother because this is going to be so important going forward. The love that a father and daughter share is not easily broken. Whatever happens just make sure to be there for her.

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Wishing you luck! And I hope any mediator worth their salt can see through the smoke and mirrors and make the better decision.

You are an exceptional father and your girl is already blessed by that.

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Good luck neighbor guy. You have my thoughts and prayers with you today.

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good luck neighbor guy, sometimes we (guys) get lucky and end up with some things that usually go the other way. when it does happen to go our way makes supper mom not so atrong.

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Neighbor Guy,

I went through this over 13 years ago. My ex got physical custody, and it was very emotional for everyone. Stick to the facts with the judge regarding everything you have done for your daughter. Try not to slam the mother - might just anger the judge.

Good luck today - remember whatever happens doesn't change the way you feel about your daughter, and the bond you will always have.

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Separation, divorce are never easy, and it is even worse when there are children involved. I wish you all the luck in your endeavor to resolve this matter, and I hope the judge or mediator has the foresight to see what is best for the child. My prayers are with you.

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Well....

I had hoped this would have been my last mediation trip, I was wrong sick. Some good progress was made and it is looking like things will go mostly the way I would like for them to go. It is looking more and more likeyly that I will be the "residenial" parent. I did a good job of holding back and only called her out on a few things. It is realy comming down to a "rural vs. metro" (myself being rural) thing as far as schooling and what not are concerned. I will have to sign a statment saying I will not move to Ely untill after college cry. But I will get over that.

I did slip up a little when we were talking after wards and she mentioned about needing me to watch my girl on a day when she was supposed to so she could go partying and I explained that at some point in time she needed to step up and be a mom. She is pushing so hard to get parenting time, but is constantly giving up the time she already gets, it is just frustrating. My daughter looks forward to spending time with her mom only to be left with a sitter or with me(which I dont mind).

As I said before, I hate this, for everyone involved. Thanks for you thoughts everyone.

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At least some progress was made! Just keep ur chin up and hang tough! :-)

If u dont mind me asking, how old is ur daughter?

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My thoughts are with you, I went through this a long time ago and the other was the party type, and she did the baby sitting thing when she had the kids, speaking long term just do your best like I am sure you will. My kids seen through it after a few years and my daughters now that they are grown respect everything I gave and showed them, I hope it goes your way, but if it doesn't don't give up, because you are always going to be her Daddy and that bond is greater than we could ever think.

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If u dont mind me asking, how old is ur daughter?

She is a strong 4 and a half. Still young enough to be a little kid. But unfortunatly placed in the middle of a very adult situation. Mom and Dad living 40+ miles apart has to be hard on her, but she doesn't show it. It is very hard when she starts a story with "do you remember when you and me and mommy all lived together..."

Her pic is on the "last week in ely" thread in the BWCA/ELY forum, catching her first unasisted fish. smile

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my best you. Been there done and lost. But life is still good. 18 years later it got better. A very long time for me.

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I admire the love and commitment you have for your daughter.

I agree with fishorgolf that one of the most important things you can do is try to have an amicable relationship with your ex as much as possible. Kids see,hear and sense more than we are aware of and from my experience working with people over the years, one of most harmful things for a kid to expereince is having one of their parents talk disrespectfully about the other or treating the other parent with disrespect. It is hard not to let emotions get in the way but important to remember that when we talk badly about the other parent to the child, it doesn't hurt that parent, it only hurts the child (because they love that person). The opposite is also true. Kids tend to have more respect for a parent (and can learn alot from them) when the parent conducts themsef with integrity even in the face of difficult or down-right unfair circumstances.

Hang in there. Good guys don't always finish last smile

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Quote:
It is realy comming down to a "rural vs. metro" (myself being rural) thing as far as schooling and what not are concerned. I will have to sign a statment saying I will not move to Ely untill after college . But I will get over that.

I'm confused. What does the education system or locale where you live have to do with a custody battle? If this was an issue then what would that say about every other parent that has their child enrolled in those same "rural" school districts?

I can understand about taking a child aross state lines but deciding where the custodial parent can live?????

Bob

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When my brother went thru this neither partent was allowed to leave the state with out the others approval but they could live anywhere in the state.

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Awww cute pix of her! smile bet she was so proud of herself!

Yes, I deal with that with my boys when they talk about the past. *sigh* All I can do is just say Yeah I remember that.....and try not to talk about it that much. Its hard to remain positive about the ex especially when the ex is doing idiotic things.....

Hope it all works out for ya! Mine is coming up on July 30th

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best of luck to you. I couldn't imagine not seeing my kid on a daily basis. he goes to the grandparents at least every other weekend, but I couldn't imagine not being able to see him when I want. best of luck and my thoughts are with you.

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Here we go again... Another restless night... I guess I will let you guys know how it goes tomarrow......

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good luck, Neighbor Guy.

We are in exactly same boat so I know how it feels! Hang in there!

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Well.... Like I have said before and will continue to say, there are no winners in a situation like this. Today's meeting started out on a negative note and two hours later it ended.

At the end of the last meeting I thought we had a workable agreement with just a few things to iron out. What I did not realize was the "math" involved. Unbenonced to me, our current agreement worked out to be 60/40 parenting time. (60% to me) Well that was were our potential "legal" ageement also worked out to be. Today we sat down exchanged pleasentries, and she said she would accept no less than 47% parenting time. I said no, explained why, a lot to do with the way she played her last parenting weekend. (see previos post) Next thing I know there is a lot of blubbering and crying and an hour of what the H happened here. Turns out her lawyer figured out that if she had at least 46.5% parenting time her child support would be next to nothing.

By the way, who ever decided to coin the term "parenting time" and figure it by the percent needs to be beaten unrecognizable with a dead eal pout. This is a child we are talking about. mad

Long story longer, she is goiing to come out of this smelling like a rose. getting everything she wanted. Just more than 45% parenting time. I managed to keep my daughter out of a down town Minneapolis school and will be listed as custodial parent. But everyday she is not in school she will be with her mom. As upposed to a normal everyother weekend situation, she will be with her mom 2 of 3. Then to make things even more complicated roles will reverse when school is out. I hate the arangement, but I dont have the $10-15,000 it would take to fight it. A "parentiing agreement" is the only option.

To say I have the blues is an understatement frownfrown. I realize that things have to get worse before they get better. But I have to be getting close to the bottom right? Almost divorced, fighting over who is the "better parent" to raise a child, just lost my house (another long story), painting industry is in the tank, I guess when it rains it poors.

Hopefully the new job will turn out to be a long term deal. And I have some good freinds and family to hold me up wink. Thanks for lending me an ear everybody. Sorry for the long depressing post. I will try to find something possitive to add......

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    • Minnesota DNR News
      For Immediate Release:
      July 21, 2017
      In This Issue

      Conserving Mille Lacs walleye population requires regulation changes

      Mille Lacs Lake Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) for summer 2017

      Conserving Mille Lacs walleye population requires regulation changes

      Walleye fishing on Mille Lacs Lake will remain closed until Aug. 11 to protect the walleye fishery, and ensure its long-term health and sustainability into the future

      To extend the walleye fishing season through Labor Day, the state will allow for an additional 11,000 pounds of walleye harvest on Mille Lacs 

      New solutions are being sought to rebuild and sustain a healthy Mille Lacs walleye fishery

      New fisheries data collected by the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources show the total safe harvest allocation for walleyes on Mille Lacs Lake (44,800 pounds) has already been exceeded this season. To protect the fishery and ensure the long-term sustainability of Mille Lacs Lake’s walleye population, the DNR announced today that walleye fishing will remain closed until Friday, Aug. 11.

      In order to extend the walleye fishing season through Labor Day, the state will allow for an additional 11,000 pounds of walleye harvest. Catch-and-release walleye fishing will run from Friday, Aug. 11, through Monday, Sept. 4, for the Labor Day weekend. Walleye fishing will then be closed from Tuesday, Sept. 5, through Thursday, Nov. 30.

      As these regulation changes were announced, Minnesota DNR Commissioner Tom Landwehr reiterated the state’s commitment to rebuilding and sustaining a healthy walleye fishery in Mille Lacs Lake.

      “Improving the walleye population in Mille Lacs is a top priority for the DNR,” Landwehr said. “We deeply regret the hardships these new regulations will cause for anglers and business owners. But they are essential to protect and enhance the future of walleye fishing in the lake for future generations. We will continue doing everything we can to understand the challenges facing the walleye fishery, and take whatever actions we can to resolve this very difficult situation.”

      Landwehr and DNR fisheries chief Don Pereira noted that allowing for additional catch-and-release fishing in August is essential for area anglers, businesses, and Mille Lacs area communities. The decision to allow for this additional harvest was made with input from the Mille Lacs Fisheries Advisory Committee.

      “We want to allow as much walleye fishing on Mille Lacs as possible,” Pereira said. “So even though state anglers already have caught their quota of fish, the DNR will dip into the allowed conservation overage to reopen the season on Aug. 11.”

      Through the closure, anglers on Mille Lacs Lake may fish for all other species in the lake including bass, muskellunge and northern pike. When fishing for other species, only artificial baits and lures will be allowed in possession, except for anglers targeting northern pike or muskie, who may fish with sucker minnows longer than 8 inches.

      A prohibition on night fishing will remain in place from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. through Nov. 30. However, anglers may fish for muskie and northern pike at night, but may only use artificial lures longer than 8 inches or sucker minnows longer than 8 inches. Bowfishing for rough fish also is allowed at night but possession of angling equipment is not allowed and only rough fish may be in possession.

      Understanding walleye fishing quotas on Mille Lacs this year, and why that quota was reached earlier than predicted
      The DNR and the Chippewa bands that cooperatively manage Mille Lacs Lake agreed this year to harvest quotas of 44,800 pounds for state anglers and 19,200 pounds for tribal fishing. They also agreed that up to 75,000 pounds of walleye could be harvested from the lake from Dec. 1, 2016 to Nov. 30, 2017.

      That agreement allows the state to use a built-in buffer – the 11,000 pounds difference between the 75,000 pounds conservation cap and the 64,000 pounds combined harvest quotas – in an attempt to allow catch-and-release walleye fishing through Labor Day, following the mid-summer closure. Bi-weekly creel surveys show that state anglers already have reached their quota.

      “The DNR is using its full allotment to maximize opportunities to fish for walleye on Mille Lacs without violating our agreement,” Pereira said. “The DNR, just like area businesses, would greatly prefer to not have fishing restrictions in place. But sustaining and stabilizing Mille Lacs’ walleye population is our primary obligation and public responsibility.”

      Continuing the walleye fishing closure will reduce the number of fish that die after being caught and released, a condition known as hooking mortality. The likelihood of fish suffering hooking mortality increases as water temperatures warm.

      High walleye catch rates on Mille Lacs have increased DNR fishing projections. A hot walleye bite attracted more anglers to the lake, resulting in angler effort that is about double what it was in 2016.

      “Cooler than normal temperatures kept hooking mortality rates low, but more anglers fished Mille Lacs, particularly catching walleye longer than 20 inches,” Pereira said. “That increased the poundage of fish caught and put us over our walleye quota.”

      According to the DNR, bigger fish are biting, in part, because there is a shortage of food for larger walleye. Last fall’s assessment showed that larger walleye were thinner than average.

      Mille Lacs’ hot bite also reflects the findings of studies done in many other fisheries that show catchability actually increases when fish population drops. In Mille Lacs, walleye congregate in preferred spots rather than disperse evenly throughout the lake. Fewer fish in the lake means there is more room in the preferred spots for fish to gather, creating a situation where a larger percentage of the population is in position to be caught rather than gathering in a less preferred but less fished area.

      More information about Mille Lacs Lake, the regulation adjustments and management of the fishery is available on the DNR page at www.mndnr.gov/millelacslake.

      New solutions are being sought to improve and sustain a healthy walleye fishery
      The DNR announced in June that a new external review team of scientists will take a fresh look at Mille Lacs Lake’s walleye fishery, using all of the best science available to gain a better understanding of the lake. This new review, led by walleye expert Dr. Chris Vandergoot of the U.S. Geological Survey, will provide additional recommendations to improve fisheries management of the lake, and contribute to a long-term solution to improving and sustaining a healthy walleye fishery for future generations. The group’s report is expected in time to help guide and inform fisheries management decisions for the 2018 season.

      DNR encourages Minnesotans to fish for other abundant species on Mille Lacs Lake
      As today’s walleye fishing regulation changes were announced, the DNR encouraged all Minnesotans to visit Mille Lacs Lake to fish the other abundant species that the lake has to offer. Mille Lacs Lake’s other opportunities for top-notch fishing will not be affected by the regulation adjustment.

      Bassmaster Magazine named Mille Lacs the nation’s best bass lake in June and will send 50 of the country’s best anglers to the lake In September for its Angler of the Year tournament. Northern pike abound in Mille Lacs, along with muskellunge. In early July, a woman from southern Minnesota caught and released in Mille Lacs what may have been Minnesota’s largest-ever muskellunge.

      To learn more about Mille Lacs Lake and its many great fishing opportunities, visit the DNR page. To plan visit to the Mille Lacs area, visit the Mille Lacs Area Tourism Council page.

      ###

      Mille Lacs Lake Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) for summer 2017
      Q: What is happening with the walleye season this summer on Mille Lacs Lake?

      A: The closure that began July 8 and was set to end July 28 is being extended by two weeks. That means walleye fishing will reopen at 6:01 a.m. on Aug. 11 for catch-and-release only through Labor Day. A night fishing closure also will remain in place from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. through Nov. 30.

      Q: How does this affect fishing for other species?

      A: Fishing regulations for other species such as smallmouth bass, muskie and northern pike remain the same. During the night closure, there is an exception for muskie and northern pike anglers using artificial lures and sucker minnows longer than 8 inches.

      Q: Why did the DNR extend the closure?

      A: While the DNR wants to allow as much walleye fishing on Mille Lacs as possible, the state is also required to abide by cooperative agreements made with eight American Indian Chippewa bands. The two weeks of additional closure allows the state to abide by a harvest quota set earlier this year with the bands.

      The DNR and the bands agreed to harvest quotas of 44,800 pounds for state anglers and 19,200 pounds for tribal fishing. They also agreed that up to 75,000 pounds of walleye could be sustainably harvested from the lake from Dec. 1, 2016 to Nov. 30, 2017 in order to conserve the population

      That agreement allows the state to use a built-in buffer – the 11,000 pounds difference between the conservation cap of 75,000 pounds and the combined harvest quota of 64,000 pounds – in an attempt to allow catch-and-release walleye fishing through Labor Day, following the mid-summer closure.

      The latest creel survey data shows that state anglers reached their quota of 44,800 pounds of walleye caught from Mille Lacs in early July. Even though state anglers already have caught their quota of fish, the DNR is dipping into the allowed conservation reserve in order to reopen the season on Aug. 11.

      Q: Why has the walleye population in Mille Lacs declined? What is the DNR doing in the long-term to try to conserve the population?

      A: The vast majority of walleye that hatch do not survive to their third autumn in the lake. Walleye numbers have declined to the point that it has become important to protect spawning-sized walleye, particularly the class of walleye that hatched in 2013. It is important to protect the large 2013 year class to replenish aging spawning stock.  Most males from the 2013 class are now mature, but females will not start to contribute in large numbers until next spring. The state is committed to conserving the population of walleyes born in 2013 to improve and rebuild a sustainable population for the future.

      Q: Why do we count hooking mortality during a closed walleye season?

      A: The amount that state anglers can kill (as spelled out in state-bands agreements) also must include fish that die as a result of hooking mortality, the fish that die after being caught and then released back into the water. During the closure, some anglers still catch walleye incidentally and some of those fish die after being released. Under the state-band agreements, those dead fish must be calculated and counted against the state’s allocation.

      Q: How did this cooperative management between the state and the bands of Mille Lacs Lake come to be?   

      A: Recall that in 1999, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld lower-court decisions that allowed the Mille Lacs band and seven other Chippewa bands to exercise off-reservation fishing and hunting rights. The lower federal court also set up guidelines, known as stipulations and protocols, for both sides to follow. These stipulations and protocols provide a framework for how the bands and the state must work cooperatively to manage shared natural resources, including Mille Lacs fish.  In their agreements, the DNR and the bands are required to annually establish the number of walleye that can safely be harvested from Mille Lacs while ensuring sufficient remaining walleye in the lake for a healthy fishery.

      Q: If the walleye population is in decline, why are anglers catching so many?

      A: Fish are biting for two reasons. First, there is a shortage of food for larger walleye. Last fall’s assessment showed that larger walleye were thinner than average. Second, studies in many fisheries show that catchability actually increases when fish population decline.

      In Mille Lacs, walleye congregate in preferred spots rather than disperse evenly throughout the lake. Fewer fish in the lake means there’s more room in the preferred spots for fish to gather, and anglers find these spots where they can catch a larger portion of fish. Finally, while the walleye population has decreased considerably (by half or more), the amount of fishing pressure has declined by a lot more. This means that there are more walleye per angler fishing Mille Lacs today.

      Q: How is the DNR using science and research to help the walleye population?

      A: Mille Lacs Lake is the most studied lake in Minnesota. It is also a complex and changing system. The agency conducts a large number of surveys on the lake annually. These surveys include assessing the abundance of young walleye; setting 52 nets to assess adult abundance; using fine-mesh nets each summer to determine abundance of food (prey fish) for walleye; and using interviews with anglers around the lake (called creel surveys) to estimate the number of fish anglers are catching. The DNR also periodically tags walleye and other species to provide actual population estimates. We are tagging bass this year in cooperation with angling groups, and will be tagging walleye in 2018 and 2019 when the 2013 year class will be reaching full maturity.

      Q: What is the purpose of the external review the DNR has initiated?

      A: The DNR has asked Dr. Chris Vandergoot to lead an independent review of the DNR’s scientific approaches to manage Mille Lacs Lake. Vandergoot is a key member of the international team that co-manages a very significant walleye fishery in Lake Erie. He works for the U.S. Geological Survey in the Sandusky Lake Erie Biological station in Ohio. His review report will be available to the public in early 2018 and will help inform fisheries management decisions for the 2018 season.

      Q: What does the future look like for Mille Lacs walleye?

      A: It is unlikely that Mille Lacs walleye production will return to the levels that state anglers enjoyed over 20 years ago.  The ecosystem of Mille Lacs is going through extreme change, starting with increased water clarity in the mid-1990s, to impacts today from aquatic invasive species such as spiny water flea and zebra mussels. Longer growing seasons are also helping some species such as smallmouth bass but may be hurting others. While walleye will still be abundant, the future fishery will be more diverse, offering angling opportunities for a greater variety of fish.

      ###
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